FACEBOOK CULL

DAY ONE HUNDRED – ZOË BARTLETT

2010-03-10T02:22:00.001-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Woof, strap in, Day 100! This is the saddest. Zoë was somebody I worked with at Baker Street. We joined roughly a month apart from each other and with all the natural company cliques/circles established in place; as a result she and I became good friends. I remember early on during one Friday night having drinks on Marylebone High Street how she teasingly refused to tell me her surname so that I wouldn’t be able to find her Facebook profile. Perhaps it would have been best left there. Gradually though we became better and better friends, hanging out at work socials etc. Amongst other things she told me that her dad had done a Peel Session back in the day, which to me is the coolest. Eventually we went further and on a drunken Friday night I wound up back at her place. Unfortunately despite going back to her place I never knew where I stood with her, she would say one thing and then act in a completely different manner. If only I had had a bit more confidence I would have been able to contend with this. Instead I got brushed off with the line “I don’t go out with work colleagues, its just easier that way.” Typically it was at the Christmas bash where things were discussed and suggested again and once more the following night I found myself around her place, when just before we went to bed she hit me with the classic line “this doesn’t mean we’re going out.” I doubt I will live to the age of one hundred years to hear such a mood killer. Unsurprisingly nothing happened from there. The next day we woke up and experienced a slow Saturday morning with something an elephant in the room until I made the train equivalent of the walk of shame home. Just as I got back I received some kind of apology via text message. For what I wasn’t quite sure, I just figured she was on the blob. Now at this point my having tickets to see Morrissey in January became a factor. I had bought on the morning of the first time we fell into bed together I bought a bunch and Zoë asked to have one. If nothing else were going to happen between us we would at least have the Morrissey show. Unfortunately like a mob hit, on the day before we broke up for the Christmas holidays she told me that she wouldn’t be able to come along. To this I responded by whining like a child before blanking her and not bothering to wish her “a Merry Christmas” at the close of proceedings. As a result it was perhaps partly down to this that we were barely in touch over the festive period. When things resumed in the New Year the pub where we had first bumped was now boarded up and this was something of a metaphor for how things now were between us as I found myself barely able to get a peep from her, as she turned frosty on me. Curiously a few days before the Morrissey show she again told me that she would not be able to come along, requesting, “please don’t hate me.” By now I had long passed the ticket onto another lady in an effort to make her jealous, so I just called her a “nitwit.” All in all it was something of a drama very befitting a Morrissey gig. The next day when Zoë asked me about it and I told her I went with somebody called “Carol” I swear I saw her blush. Was this an indication that she still gave a damn? A week or so later the annual tax deadline arrived and with it celebration drinks afterwards. Once more I wound up with Zoë as I gave her shit for being so offish with me that year so far but instead of getting nasty we just took the Mickey out of each other. Later at the end of the night I find myself yet again heading back to her place. This time however I just passed out on her sofa. To here knows when. By this stage things were as muddled and confused in my mind as they could possibly get. Less than two months later I was leaving the company, I had just had enough of the work situation, it wasn’t working out and now all this additional grief just made things doubly uncomfortable. I don’t think Zoë believed me at first when I said I was leaving but on the evening I handed in my notice she phoned me up and we had what was to turn out to be our final telephone conversation. I would have liked to think she was expressing sadness and concern at my exit but instead she just wanted the gossip. She told me that after I left we were to stay in touch before adding some kind of version “its not you its me” to our situation. Once more I had been kicked in the teeth. By the following Wednesday I was done and that was it. We never spoke again.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
Away from this nonsense I left the company because I was clashing with the manager and I almost felt constructive dismissal was on the cards. At this point I figured I could really put the “I don’t date work colleagues” philosophy to the test but it was horseshit and beyond exchanging a couple of messages soon we stopped talking to each other when I really wanted to stay in touch.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
What happened with Zoë was a truly bad experience for me, one that saw me coming away from it licking my wounds for several months after the event, questioning just what had happened between us and what/where I had done wrong.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
I’m lighting a candle for logic, Zoë and I shouldn’t be pretend friends on Facebook any more, and it’s a farce that we still are. Away from this though, I have made it! I have reached 100 Facebook culls in 100 days as I said I would, all done with little flinching but a lot of thought applied to the process. With the project I have kept the ball running and managed to write regularly everyday without experiencing much in the way of writer’s block (my bane). While many of my now former friends have fallen by the wayside several of my existing (and new) friends have enjoyed the project and being that they have “survived”, dare I suggest that our friendships have now come through some kind of test and stronger for it. Or am I just talking out of my arse?

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
Some but she got to go.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
Sadly I don’t expect to cross paths with her again but being such a contentious cull you never know, maybe it will be Googled and discovered one day. In the real world with the project at completion I am putting my 100th cull entry to bed, hoping not to end on too much of a downer, regardless of the tale above its all Dust In The Wind. Even though this entry is done I am saving the actual cull for the event at Dalston Works tonight, group ritual innit. So a century of days later am I now a better person as a result? Braaaap!

FINAL WORDS:
Football season is over.

DAY NINETY NINE – CATHERINE CHAMBERS

2010-03-09T15:42:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Ironically on a Facebook Cull, Catherine was somebody I met via Myspace. I remember how one Sunday a girl with fire engine red hair sent a friend request to me and for once the profile didn’t suggest it was from a thinly veiled porn site. Like an eager beaver I accepted almost immediately and sent her a message. From here we actually sparked up some kind of friendship, for once here was a person of the opposite sex that I shared interests with (movies and music). Eventually time came to meet up in person and for this I bought some tickets for a Richard Linklater talk at the London Film Festival (what a smooth operator). Sadly even though I had the tickets she was unable to come along due to work and once again I felt I was wasting my time with the fairer sex. Looking to make this up to me though she then suggested that we hit a movie and being that she wrote about and reviewed movies she could get us into press screenings. So it was on a chilly November Wednesday afternoon that we met up on Great Marlborough Street to attend a press screening of Tenacious D in The Pick Of Destiny. As we stepped into the screening room there was Mark Kermode sat next to James King and suddenly I felt as if I had been let into a whole world of media I had only ever dreamt about. The movie was OK but now I discovered that she used to write for Kerrang! and was working at 6music on the Andrew Collins show amongst other things. It was truly weird how when she was working on the radio I was able to watch her via the webcam on the station’s website. This was like being a stalker without any of the effort. After a successful first meeting quickly another press screening was hatched for the following Monday morning to see Stranger Than Fiction. While she was lukewarm to this movie I went for it wholesale, which quite possibly was the first chink in my armour from her perspective. It was all downhill from here as in essence we were barely friends for a month as her career left no time for us to spend time together and fast with Christmas coming things quickly fizzled out. On top of this she wanted to buy a horse. How can a mere mortal man compete against a horse for the affections of a female? Over Christmas she went silent and that was pretty much it as the pair of us were now blatantly looking elsewhere for friends. The next time we met up was ultimately the last time as she we went to see The Illusionist in Hammersmith. Inevitably she turned up late and at the moment she arrived I was listening to the new Stooges record at the exact point Iggy is singing “my idea of fun is killing everyone.” By now she was working on the Stephen Merchant radio show and being at the height of my Ricky Gervais obsession I was actually hoping for an “in” there. Suddenly it was plainly obvious that I liked her career much more than her herself. Ultimately the movie sucked (her choice) and the night was not much better, which was pretty much it for our brief friendship.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
In the same way that our friendship started by exchanging messages on Myspace I suspect I probably hoped that our friendship might restart with exchanging messages on Facebook. It is not like we both stopped really liking The Big Lebowski. Also her photos with David Cronenberg are pretty cool and quite frankly the picture with BOTH Scott Weiland and Serj Tankian is next level. The pictures with the horse, I can live without.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
I was always kind of annoyed by the way things panned out, fizzled out. I don’t know.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
It serves as a reminder to be careful of females that dye their hair strange colours.

STATUS AT DELETION:
“can’t quite decide is she likes the beastie’s current preference for Arab-like posturing (what’s with the snorting and cantering around with tail in the air?!) or would prefer to have laid back cob back….actually quite enjoying the former so long as it doesn’t translate into hot-blooded loon!”

ANY HESITATION:
Not really, its been over three years since we last saw each other now. I get the impression that we’re not overly desperate to see each other.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
There will be no real world issues.

FINAL WORDS:
Its been a bad day for Facebook with two murders being reported in the news. Really I cannot believe what comes from this website sometimes, I have to say now that this experiment is coming to an end part of me really wants to have a long break from Facebook.

DAY NINETY EIGHT – PHOEBUS L

2010-03-08T17:01:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
In tribute of today being International Women Day, let’s cull another female! Phoebe is a fellow accountant and we met while on a course at Shepherd’s Bush back in 2004. At first I thought her accent was from America but in actuality she had origins in Hong Kong. It all happened one day when she decided to sit next to me and I slowly built up the courage to speak to her (but first I had to find her name on the class register to find out her name). From here we began chatting and having classes together where it turned out that she did kickboxing which was super exciting to me. For some reason she reminded me of Julia Stiles. Eventually I finally built up the confidence to ask her out, the occasion being an Edward Hopper exhibition at Tate Modern. I even tried to learn to speak Cantonese in the hope of impressing her (that was a bridge too far). It was fun times but realistically we never clicked. A few weeks later she made it clear that she wasn’t interested and that was it. We were however still at the same level of study and invariably we would again cross paths on courses. With this in mind we remained in touch far beyond what we should have done. Later we both met up again just before Christmas in 2005 and we wound up having dinner and going to see the Narnia movie. Despite her being a strict Lutheran she did not believe me that the story was a religious metaphor aimed at kids (“Aslan, he’s Jesus!). It was a fun night but unbeknownst to me around this time she started seeing a German that looks like Ian Mackaye, who she eventually married. From here onwards we barely communicated, occasionally sharing an MSN exchange. As 2008 started with me feeling lousy it was she who suggested that I try out kickboxing and in a really strange turn of events on the night of my first very nervous lesson I randomly bumped into on Tottenham Court Road. I think we were so stunned to see each other that we were too shocked to actually make conversation. That’s no way to be.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
As our communication flagged as soon as I saw she was on Facebook I hoped that it might rejuvenate our flat lining friendship. Things don’t really go that way though.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
I think I should instigate a no accountants rule to my Facebook friend list. Also she is now a banker!

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
I get embarrassed thinking about myself in 2004. One less reminder is a good thing, trust me.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
Yes because somewhere down the line I dare say I will require some advice (she knows her onions when it comes to finance).

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
As I said above until the last year or so she was a fellow professional I would consult with regarding all kinds of interesting financial stuff. No yawning at the back now.

FINAL WORDS:
Elsewhere I have been rumbled again. Today I checked my Facebook profile to discover a message from Day 89. Whoops, it would seem after writing a cull entry for her I forgot to actually cull her. As she quite correctly points out “(I) think your culling skills need revision given that we’re still communicating! :)”

DAY NINETY SEVEN – SARA HASLETT

2010-03-07T16:38:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Sara was somebody I used to work with at Butt Road. She just appeared roughly one month after me and I still remember her reaction the first time she say me, she physically juddered. Whether this was aghast from being repulsed or impressed was something I never worked out. Soon we clicked though and made work fun. She came from KPMG, which I always described as the NFL of accountancy. Due to this she pretty much immediately considered herself above us, above our Podunk little organisation and soon this became evident in her timekeeping and attendance. Gradually she, Day 14 and I made up a little gang in the office and often we would head to the pub at lunchtimes to blow off steam, much to the envy and chagrin of certain members of management. Eventually Christmas came around and with it the Christmas bash which that year turned out to be the stuff of office scandal (that was still being talked about the following year) as I found myself in a position with my bosses and colleagues I never imagined I would be. Come the new year things got worse at the company as she was moved over to the office that I had now named “Chernobyl.” I also was going through a hard time myself as dad fell ill and Sara was actually the first person I confided the news to. The office move was the beginning of the end and a few months later she was sacked by the company. Eventually she left the country with view to joining her parents and living in Dubai, the growing Las Vegas of the Middle East, along with the slumber of indolence that it has to offer. This was when things got kind of weird between us. From here onwards she would keep calling and text messaging me from Dubai, chatting and arguing on MSN and often asking me to go out and visit her. She didn’t bother to remain in touch with anyone else at the company, just me. Over the course of the next few months we would exchange strange conversations and then suddenly I also got sacked by the company (the blogging dismissal) which coincided with her making plans to come back to the UK at Christmas for a visit. By this point I now had the nickname “My Smelly Valentine” for her and we made plans to meet up and hit Jerry Springer The Opera. Even though I had no income (or money for that matter) I still paid £80 for a couple of tickets for us. Unfortunately as per the consistency that was displayed at work, once back in the country she didn’t even bother to get in touch. In what ironically turned out to be the actual performance used in the live video of the show, coupled with my state of unemployment this gesture really did cause me to flip out and sink low. Not good. In the new year she came around but I wasn’t interested. Like a wimp I eventually began responding to her messages but I was naturally always offish, usually labouring the point of the lost ticket money. Eventually she wound up dating some guy in Dubai old enough to be her dad that oozes money and looks scarily like one of our old bosses from the Christmas incident. Go figure.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
Despite all of what I’ve said above it wasn’t all bad and away from the flakiness we were really close at times (past tense).

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
These days we’ve pretty much stopped talking and now her status updates just annoy me, expressing a degree of wealth in a gauche manner akin to those old Harry Enfield characters that would declare “we’re considerably richer than you.” That and the Jerry Springer The Opera incident, which is still just unforgivable to me.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
It reminds me that too often people flatter to deceive.

STATUS AT DELETION:
“is looking forward for a shopping fest with her mum tomorrow to get a dress for Stu and Ivanas wedding!”

ANY HESITATION:
These days not really, we’re long past having the lengthy conversations about the universe.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
If we arranged to meet up in person I suspect she wouldn’t bother turning up.

FINAL WORDS:
Tonight is Oscar night. I want anything but Avatar to win. Sara probably liked Avatar.

DAY NINETY SIX – BELLA STEFANI

2010-03-06T14:25:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Bella (also known as B or Belladonna) was my obsession of 2001. While the Twin Towers were coming down in September quite frankly I was more concerned as to why she hadn’t sent me a text message for a number of days. I don’t think I have ever argued or bickered with anybody as much as I did with her in 2001. It all started out so well, I really thought we had clicked. Just as I was moving back home to live with my parents after the Action Park experience she was also moving to her own place where I would help her move to. We then spent a lot of time together, often heading to Blockbuster where we hired out pretty much every Disney cartoon and Julia Stiles movie (and thus as a result all these movies now make me think of Bella). Soon however we found ourselves in dating purgatory and it never really came together. Then there was the mistake of the Valentine’s card (the only one I have ever sent as an adult). Then came the tears. For some reason we dragged things out for another nine months in a state of confusion. She had handcuffs. When I checked out my flat that I eventually bought she came with me and the guy thought we were a couple. It all remained messy as I would make comment such as “I like it when I make you cry” and later she would say things such as “I’ve had a really nice day today, don’t let it go to your head.” I think perhaps her being more vindictive than me was best highlighted by the way she would beat me mercilessly playing Soul Blade on Playstation. Then again one day I got so annoyed by this that the violence of the game spilled out into real life and I made her spend the remainder of the night speaking like Kenny from South Park. Later she then had the dubious privilege of being the first girl I bothered to introduce to my parents even though we weren’t going out. It all ended abruptly and sadly. On fireworks night that year we headed up to Ipswich to watch Legally Blonde and then get dinner at Pizza Hut. For something that on paper appears so tacky it was one of the best times we had together, not least for walking around beneath the fireworks exploding above. Unfortunately the following Saturday circumstances took a bipolar turn for the worse as she flipped out on me as we hung out at my flat before we watched the original One Hundred And One Dalmatians in silence. Really was that the film we watched as the death of our friendship? Like a prick on the Monday I sent her one of the most vicious emails basically telling her to go fuck herself. I still have a copy of the email and it makes for the most unpleasant reading (for my eyes only). Unsurprisingly and correctly she never responded but on the Thursday of that week her aunt (who she was now living with) stormed into my workplace demanding that I repay £5 that I owed her for a Sega Mega Drive I had apparently bought from her. At that exact moment I was dealing with my favourite client, a camera operator that had worked with Harvey Keitel (my favourite actor) on The Young Americans in addition to a bunch of other Danny Cannon movies. For her to come into my place of work was a real gesture, although she may have also been angry that B and I had sold the video of “Big Tit Lesbians” that we had found in her house on eBay. Soon I pacified her and drove her to an ATM where I gave her £10 and insisted that she keep the change. After I just about managed to display that I wasn’t quite the prick the email had exhibited she suggested that I try and apologise but it was too late and I never made such a gesture. A few days later a five pound note was pushed through my letterbox. Around six or so months later I began bumping into her occasionally but the world was now a different place. Indeed it now appeared that she had a new guy in tow whose life she was now making a misery (a guy with a ponytail and permanent Deftones t-shirt, c’mon!). Then she moved up to Nottingham and she was gone. A few years ago she moved back down, now to London and while I was working at the studio we arranged to meet up one day after work. Just as I was leaving to meet up with her Iron Maiden, then recording at the studio at the studio, were having their pictures taken outside. I never approached them to muscle my way into a photo instead I rushed to meet up with Bella in the hope of having some kind of experience akin to the end of Annie Hall. Unfortunately it didn’t happen, in fact the polar opposite occurred and I think we just annoyed each other. She accused me of being stuck in the past while I thought she was stuck in cloud cuckooland. A few days later we had this out via a pretty nasty exchange on MSN. The last I heard she was going out with some German lesbian (or is that lesbian German?). Very Chasing Amy.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
She was the first female I ever took to see a Woody Allen movie at the cinema. Why we were friends initially is obvious. Why we are friends on Facebook is less so clear, I genuinely think at first I was hoping to initiate a real life friendship once more.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
I think in a foreign language her name translates into “mental torture.”

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
It genuinely does cause me discomfort to see her name whenever it gets mentioned on Facebook. It reminds me of taxing and painful times which the deletion should hopefully minimalise.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
Not today with this mindset. Climb the mountain of conflict.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
Only if her aunt comes after me again.

FINAL WORDS:
It was actually Bella that convinced me to join Myspace on 19 September 2004, pulling me away from Friendster and dragging me into a brave new world of social networking. As to who it was that turned me onto Facebook is sadly something I do not remember.

DAY NINETY FIVE – KATHRYN GOLDSBY-WEST

2010-03-05T03:59:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Kathryn was the ex-girlfriend of the first person I moved in with when I left home. It was the year 2000 and a brave new millennium so what better time to make our first steps into the big wide world. In the end three of us moved into a house on Butt Road which was christened Action Park. Unfortunately with hindsight it was doomed from the start and after a month of tension on an uncomfortable and awkward July Thursday night I found Kathryn sat opposite Action Park sobbing her eyes out. I was getting involved in something I really should not have been rubbing up against and when she told me that she was looking for a brick to throw through our window it pretty much summed up how peeved everyone was with the incident. Details aside (we don’t need to go there) the following night (Friday) I found myself drunk off my arse on Stella and being wound up royally to the point that I stormed home, slammed the door open and accidentally threw the house phone (like a quarterback) through the back window of the house. After a quiet weekend I headed to work as normal on the Monday only to return that evening to having had both my housemates move out on me during the daytime. Truly you have not lived until you return home to find your house empty and your roomies gone. Yes, I did just drop the house bomb.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
Circling around a social group that barely gave me the time of day Kathryn was always friendly to me, which always helps.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
For starters to me double barrelled names are truly a royal no no for Facebook and humanity in general. To me having a double barrelled name conjures up images of wealth and an easy existence where opportunities are rife and financial concerns and woes are low. Have I ever sounded more of a working class hero? Not that I am saying Kathryn is like this.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
Today this cull has given me time to take stock and reflect on quite an incident in my life. Scarily now it is almost ten years since the event and the world is now a much different place and we (everyone involved) are very much different people. This I guess is how the world works.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
Not really, I’m not quite sure why I added her as a friend considering we haven’t been in touch for many years now.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
I don’t expect so. Some elements of said social circle remain but on the whole everyone has moved on.

FINAL WORDS:
Nearly there.

DAY NINETY FOUR – LYNDSAY WAGNER

2010-03-04T00:54:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Lyndsay was in my class on and off at secondary school. I think perhaps she may have been the first girl I spoke to there that I didn’t go to primary school with. She knew my cousin (Day 61) and I guess that was some kind of unfortunate shortcut to knowing me. My first memory of her was when we sat next to each other in Science class and she got me into trouble (with the midget teacher) for talking. Another time when she fucked with our instruments in music class I ended up grassing on her at which point once out of the classroom she rammed her forefinger into my eye. Surely this was a tad excessive in a reaction. Perhaps this is why I have had to wear glasses ever since. Rather than being angry or hurt though I think I actually found myself attracted. Around this time there was a character on Grange Hill called Imelda Davis causing a rampage at the school and she totally reminded of her. It was probably later that summer when one day while I was made to wait outside the porn shop on Butt Road as my mum went inside unfortunately it was this exact point that Lyndsay walked past catching sight of me and what I was standing in front of. That kind of stuff is emotionally scarring. Eventually she left our school only to return in the last year of our sentence where now suddenly she was really nice and complimentary to me. What had happened?

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
I added her by accident because I thought it was the profile of the Bionic Woman. Just kidding, as ever being an old school friend she got added as part of the deluge of old school types discovering other old school types.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
Quite frankly looking at her profile now as an adult I do not recognise her, recognise the person that was so much trouble and so exciting with it.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
It reminds me that Facebook sometimes removes a rose tinted element from life. Whether this is a good thing or a bad thing is open to discussion.

STATUS AT DELETION:
“the beer gardens calling coz of the sun is shining .. it,ll have to be blanked as the baileys is on ice.. dinner in oven dvd waiting to play. and tanked up thurs got full steam ahead lmao xx love the sunshine bring it on!!!”

ANY HESITATION:
None.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
Other than blaming her for my future blindness, nope.

FINAL WORDS:
Lyndsay is the last school person I am going to delete as part of this project. To those who have in essence survived, congratulations. Elsewhere Day 25 appears to have removed her refriend request. Whoops.

DAY NINETY THREE – FIONA YOUNG

2010-03-03T15:47:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Oh dear Facebook is telling me that it is Fiona’s birthday tomorrow. What a rubbish time to be culling a person. With a different surname at the time, Fiona is another person I went to school with and somebody I had pretty much ceased being friends with by the end of that prison sentence, which then really brings into question the validity of being friends on Facebook. Since reacquainting on Facebook we have exchanged a few messages but nothing of substance, nothing to suggest that we have anything more in common now than then we did back then. Also I always thought she looked like Lynda Carter who played Wonder Woman. A good look.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
In an act of kiss and tell Fiona was the first girl to kiss me. We would have been around the age of seven or eight or something and one day in the backyard of Day 62 after I had been particularly valiant during play (scaring off some kids picking on her) she said “can I tell you a secret” and then sucker punched me as I lent in. I was so embarrassed and reacted very goofily as she ran away perhaps equally embarrassed. Now with this being around 25 years ago she has probably long forgotten this moment (perhaps to the point of denial) and to be quite frank so should I.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
We’re not really friends in any capacity. Also she uses that stupid fucking application that picks random status updates to put on your profile. What on earth is the point of that? How lazy and devoid of wit must a person be to not be able to come up with their own status updates? Who invented that application? I want to punch that guy on the nose.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
This is the type of person you add as a friend on Facebook in order to indulge in some kind of nostalgia trip, which possibly isn’t necessarily a very healthy thing to do.

STATUS AT DELETION:
“correction extension lead i mean!!!”

ANY HESITATION:
Shrugs shoulders.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
We might still both live in the same postcode.

FINAL WORDS:
If I was friends on Facebook with the person I popped my cherry with I would cull her too.

DAY NINETY TWO – MELANIE WILSON

2010-03-02T01:24:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Melanie is somebody lived almost opposite me while growing up in Little Clacton. She was probably my first experience of females away from family members. It was all downhill from there. As a result we went through school together even to the point she took the desk next to me in third year when really I was waiting for one of my best mates to take it. This desk later caused some trouble when during teacher parents meeting my father told me that he wrote, “Jason is a dickhead” inside the desk thinking it was mine. A pretty traumatic moment for a seven/eight year old you might agree. Later Melanie and I would be seen walking to school and back together so much that people began to think we were brother and sister. For some reason I hated this concept. Once we reached secondary school we drifted slightly and eventually she moved away and from there we only saw each other very sporadically. In 2002 she joined (and paid for) Friends Reunited and got in touch. Now she had a kid and invited me around for dinner on Monday night. Unfortunately on the Saturday night before I attended a stag do in Soho where I tooted and wrecked my ankle (amongst other things). When it came time to have dinner it really didn’t work out, boy had our lives/worlds gone in different directions.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
She found me as part of the big school friend request a few years ago but I think I would have gone out of my way to look her up as we were really good friends growing up, especially considering what a grotty little village it was.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
We’ve never rekindled our friendship and unfortunately the last time I saw her I was running for a train at Liverpool Street and I was barely able to say “hello” to her. I’m ignorant sometimes. Also she has a snowflake for a profile picture and this just does seem right to me. The other profile photo is a green thing from a Jim Henson show. Has something happened that I don’t know about?

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
I need as few reminders of my early life as possible so this is a good one to remove.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
A bit.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
She may still live in Colchester, we may bump into each other at some point.

FINAL WORDS:
It wasn’t all bad, it just felt that way.

DAY NINETY ONE – MARK ROYCE

2010-03-01T07:16:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Mark is a member of the Colchester music scene who has now transplanted himself to almost the other side of the world. He used to be a member of metal heavyweights Entwined and he can play the keys like none other, without question he was the star of the Jim Robinson Memorial Jukebox Extravaganza Townhouse Reunion a few years ago. Indeed in his new location Billy Ocean actually offered him a grand opportunity. When the going gets tough.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
Although I have to admit I was dubious when I first me him I totally took a shine to Royce as he is a genuinely cool guy. On Facebook we terribly rib him about apparently looking like Cat Stevens and he takes it in good spirit when really he would/could not be blamed for responding otherwise. The first cut is the deepest.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
In recent months he and I have exchanged some awkward and uncomfortable comments regarding people in the news such as Nidal Malik Hasan and Akmal Shaikh (the latter of which caused another friend to make unnecessary comments). Quite frankly these exchanges have served to be needlessly detrimental to our opinions of one another (I’m sure he considers me a racist now) and if anything Facebook has damaged our friendship. As a result of this I feel we would be better of not being friends on Facebook.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
I think and hope that this will salvage our friendship for when we next meet in person.

STATUS AT DELETION:
“the clue was in the name… how do you think a ‘killer whale’ typically behaves?”

ANY HESITATION:
Yes this has been the most difficult cull.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
Hopefully the next time he is back in the UK visiting we will be friendlier to each other than we are on the fake world of Facebook. We’ll be gold.

FINAL WORDS:
In other news I have been royally rumbled by my culling from Day 86 as an angry message arrived in my Facebook inbox. It was with great dread and fear that I grabbed glimpse of the line “I knew you would delete me over the shoe incident” before launching into a new line beginning “firstly….” Never in the history of the written word has a sentence starting “firstly…” ever amounted to anything other than gripe. With this in mind I am now not only afraid to finish reading this message, I am too scared to even open the message section of my Facebook profile. Damn you Facebook project! If I had Hugo Chavez as a Facebook friend I would cull him but we’re working on a smaller scale here and in the spirit of trivia I gotta do what I gotta do.

DAY NINETY – FAYE GIBBS

2010-02-28T02:04:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
With a different surname Faye was somebody I went through both primary and secondary school with. At the former she was pretty much top of the tree but less so once we all arrived at the latter. Unfortunately she didn’t give me much time at neither. Surprisingly though we have exchanged a number of messages via Facebook, more communication than we ever accomplished during our years of education (or rather lack of).

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
We exchanged friend requests as part of the big school reunion that seemed to occur on Facebook as my old school chum suddenly appeared to learn how to use the internet. Shouldn’t have bothered.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
I would probably have deleted her as part of the big school sub cull anyway but last summer despite having exchanged messages via the internet we actually crossed paths one Friday night on the train home from London. I was returning from seeing Synecdoche, New York and then my friend’s band and it would appear that she was returning home with her other half from the AC/DC concert at Wembley that night. Talk about a cultural gulf between the pair us. This gulf was then echoed by her blanking and not giving me the time of day (night). Suddenly it occurred to me just how fake and false the Facebook world actually is. Then again this was the day after Michael Jackson died and I guess we all were a little shocked, a little down.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
This deletion reminds me that a leopard does not change its spots and that I should not invest so highly into Facebook friendships. Taking it hard to the hoop.

STATUS AT DELETION:
“has had a long day at The Suffolk Wedding Show!”

ANY HESITATION:
No, not after the bums rush on the train.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
None until AC/DC play a gig again.

FINAL WORDS:
Watching 30 Rock today Liz Lemon was heard to be saying of the GE Facebook equivalent Youface: “those sites are for horny married chicks with kids who want to exchange pervy emails with their old high school boyfriends.” Is that really true of Facebook? Check out my Phollo and I’ll Fingertag you.

DAY EIGHTY EIGHT – AARON ROSIER

2010-02-26T01:46:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Aaron was probably my first best friend growing up. For a long time around the ages six and eight we would spend alternating Saturdays at each other’s houses where we would play with our Star Wars figures and watch early videos. He would often boast about everything he did. We were really different kids it now seems strange to consider that we were best friends. We started school in the same year but then for some reason I was bumped up a year, which has always been a mystery to me. Does this mean I missed a year of my education due to an administrative era? I would explain why I was always near the bottom of all my classes (I wasn’t thick, I was just permanently trying to catch up). A few years later he moved from Little Clacton to Great Clacton meaning he would have to change schools. Even though the move was hardly to another continent it may well have been.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
Aaron popped up on Facebook around the same time as every other person from my old schools. Initially we did exchange a few messages, him telling me how I “hadn’t changed at all”, which as an individual develops through life is not necessarily something you want to hear at the age of 33 (that you look how you did when you were 8). Thus this is one of the failings of Facebook.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
As I’ve said before as part of the main Facebook Cull I appear to be doing something of a sub-cull of old school friends. This example was most clearly displayed when last year I saw Aaron in town and I just could not bring myself to reacquaint with him in the real. So if I’m not interested in catching up in the real world why should I bother in the pretend world of Facebook?

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
This removes my gesture of hypocrisy attached to having him as a friend on Facebook. I don’t want to be a hypocrite.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
Not with this one, the experience of almost crossing paths made it explicit as to how negatively I feel about this one.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
It’ll probably be another ten years before we almost bump into each other.

FINAL WORDS:
I may still look like cherub but I don’t act like a cherub.

DAY EIGHTY SEVEN – MATT GAW

2010-02-25T01:45:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Matt is a Colchester type that I never got to know until he had long moved away. Again a friend of a friend through music friends he is slightly notorious now for writing exploits around the London Beach area. The most infamous story he did (known to us) was a piece on Robin Ince, which the man naturally and rightfully took exception to. It was a peculiar story to be reporting considering the high number of lesser talented comedians that populate the world of live comedy. The basis of the article seemed built around Ince’s touring schedule and comparison of Rome to Crawley in the glamour stakes.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
We’ve always got on pretty well and when our friends Justin and Helen got married, I had to do a reading of “Variations Of The Word Love” by Margaret Atwood and after executing it in bumbling fashion like Luca Brasi addressing The Godfather afterwards Matt assured me that I had done a good job. I had made the right decision not to read it in the style William Shatner.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
It has been a long since I have seen Matt now and with it we haven’t stayed in touch. That and the Robin Ince article, which really wasn’t cricket.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
It’s given me the opportunity to remember the wedding and think of marriage and how great it can be. It has calmed down my rampant cynicism, which has to be a good thing even if it is for only five minutes.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
Yes because it is quite possible we will cross paths at some point in the future.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
As above but I do also sense Matt is one of these people that doesn’t log onto Facebook very much.

FINAL WORDS:
What are you angry about?

DAY EIGHTY SIX – KAREN JORDAN

2010-02-24T03:28:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Let it be known that culls Day Eight Six to Day Eight Eight are some of my most difficult. It’s all getting very political now. Karen is a friend I met through London types and (our) second wave of the Colchester music scene. Once I started working in London and found myself invited to more social events there we used to cross paths more and more. Sadly my most vivid memory of her was the night at 4AM in the morning when she through a DM shoe at my face because she thought I said she “had a hairy chest.” I never said such a thing, I was just repeating a comment another friend made about his girlfriend. To her credit she did apologise but the (brain) damage was already done. She currently resides in Iceland but is not responsible for the financial collapse and impending ruin of the country. Neither does she know Bjork.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
In a social scene where for some reason females appeared to give me a hard time she was generally friendly to me at times where others would give me the bum’s rush.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
The years are now mounting up since I last saw Karen. Also there was the DM shoe incident as noted above. My bruises heal slowly. She also reminds me slightly of Moriarty from my version of Baker Street (but just slightly).

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
Despite the difficulty (and subsequent delay) I am now experiencing in choosing people to cull I am powering through with the project and getting there.

STATUS AT DELETION:
““Economics is all bollocks anyway innit” has to be my quote of the day”

ANY HESITATION:
As ever lots because hopefully one day we will cross paths again. The last time we hung out I believe was at a Eurovision house party in 2007 (but I might be wrong).

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
Mutual friends read this blog.

FINAL WORDS:
Humpday.

DAY EIGHTY FIVE – STEVE BENFIELD

2010-02-23T15:13:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Am I having a clear out of everybody named Steve on my friend list? It would certainly appear so as this now makes two in three days. This Steve is somebody I worked towards the end of my “wilderness years”. We both worked at the Texas Homecare in Clacton (me on the gardenstore and him on paint and decoration supplies). I actually recall with some degree of fondness my time spent working at Texas Homecare and a certain sense of freedom that it lent me as my hours meant I would have more daytimes off than at any other point in my working life. Everyone used to envy me because at the height of summer my only job was to water the plants for three hours in the evening. At this job I lost weight and even got something of a tan, something that cannot be said for any of my positions held since.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
Away from generally being a cool person to work with Steve is notable for being the person that lent me the first Wu Tang Clan album (on cassette). The Wu album quite frankly sounded amazing being played through the stereo of my car that would fart at the merest hint of any bass on the record, honestly I miss listening to music in that way. At the time as this he had decks and was trying to be a hip hop DJ. This also meant he had the Beastie Boys “Sabotage” video which he also lent me. Mucho macho.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
It is now scarily fifteen years since we last worked together and saw each other. Where on earth does the time go because quite frankly I can remember certain times from that job clearly as if were yesterday. Also I am considering instigating a “No Clacton” rule to my Facebook methodology.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
It serves as a timely reminder of just how fast life is moving these days and how I cannot time any of it for granted.

STATUS AT DELETION:
“is not ‘Not Going Out’ tonight to watch Lee Mack…do you like what I have done there?”

ANY HESITATION:
Yeah because since touching base once more on Facebook we have exchanged a few messages/comments. That said he does appear to have a strange fondness for Band Of Horses who are a band I just don’t see the appeal of.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
He’s moved away from Essex now and I sense we are unlikely to cross paths again.

FINAL WORDS:
Remember Alan Barclay? What a cunt.

DAY EIGHTY FOUR – MATT TAGNEY

2010-02-22T14:58:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Move out. It’s over. Sorry I didn’t mean to open today’s entry James Thurber style but these are the words ringing around the ears of our country today as Cheryl Cole has finally had enough of Ashley. She did it by text message. Perhaps I should be informing people I have culled with a text alert. In tribute to Cheryl’s culling today I am culling a singer.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
Matt used to be singer with the band Reynolds who we released a couple of records by on Gringo Records (they even named a song after me called “JGRAM”). Thus far I have already culled their rhythm section on Day 73 and Day 74 so now this begs the question: will the guitarist Chris Summerlin survive until Day 100?

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
I know exactly the last time I saw Matt; it was when he returned to do a show with Reynolds at the Bull & Gate in Kentish Town on 26 August 2000 when the band supported The Lapse (a fantastic American band from back in the day that everybody reading this should check out). Sadly beyond this I have never seen him since and I am sure were we still in communication there is no way that I would be culling him at this time.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
Matt is another one of my friends (past and present) on Facebook that has now grown up, got married and appears to be having a family. This all seems scarily adult to me and as I have remarked before while I slop around in my relatively happy state of arrested development in comparison occasionally having such people on my Facebook serves to make me feel insecure with regards to my progress in life. Thus today I go snip snip and subscribe to the “out of sight, out of mind” concept.

STATUS AT DELETION:
“Wishes he was better at bowling”

ANY HESITATION:
Some hesitation but then again I don’t want to appear to be playing favourites between him and his ex-bandmates.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
If we cross paths again it will be cool but its also unlikely.

FINAL WORDS:
I always thought Reynolds were a better band with a singer.

DAY EIGHTY THREE – STEVE HURDLE

2010-02-21T14:43:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Coming back to my “Granny’s Grotto” flashback of the other day, here is the person who owned said granny. Mercs is another Colchester type who I know through music after watching him play in various bands over the years including Reagan and Fans Of Kate. Ordinarily we wouldn’t have expected him to be part of our crowd or into the bands on our label but being tight with the drummer meant we all warmed to his charming ways eventually.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
To be honest more than anything else it was just great to hang out with somebody different away from our usual crowd in Colchester. Over the years now sadly this treat has been relegated to mainly just Christmas (and even that hasn’t occurred over the past few years). I also have to give mad props to Mercs for seeing the humour in me drunkenly abusing his little brother many moons ago accusing both his older brothers of being “ponces.” Said attempt at aggro occurred in our local Weatherspoons while I had sick on the back of my coat from drinking too much Stella that evening. Truly I am a class act to the end.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
Sadly as noted above we just have not crossed paths for many years now. To maintain a Facebook connection just does not seem right. I blame Russell Brand.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
It reminds me that I must be more tolerant.

STATUS AT DELETION:
“lovely day in our great city! pissy, drizzle, damp commuters all full of the joys of monday morning. Mmmm lovely”

ANY HESITATION:
Lots of hesitation as I can’t help but feel now that there are people on my friend list more deserving of deletion.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
We could bump into each other in Colchester or London in the near future. Also I am aware of mutual friends who are reading this blog now.

FINAL WORDS:
In cull related news by coincide this week’s episode of The Virtual Revolution indeed lent much coverage to the concept of friendship online via social networking websites. Hosted by the lovely Dr Aleks Krotoski, the episode entitled “Homo Interneticus?” mentioned how websites such as Facebook are changing our relationships and considering at just what point our cyber connections should be considered real friendships. One such test turned out to be based on Dunbar’s Number theory that proposes the ideal number of people in a human community is just under 150, which is something I found particularly interesting considering my Facebook friend count currently sits at 152 and falling. This was the final episode in a very interesting four part series that I cannot recommend highly enough.

DAY EIGHTY TWO – ANDREW ROBERT DOIG

2010-02-20T07:35:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Doig is someone we know from Peterborough who used to come along to Gringo Records gigs up in Nottingham who was always cool with me. My key memory of him is after a show in Nottingham in 2002 with Hirameka Hi-Fi and Electro Group he was peeved over something and while The Bellrays hung around the house their drummer Vince Meghrouni (drummer for numerous SST bands back in the day) attempted to cheer him up by putting on a fox mask.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
Later Doig moved down to London and I would bump into him from time and time (mainly Bardens Boudoir) and he was still cool with me long after the Gringo Records thing had moved on for me.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
He made the cardinal sin of mentioning “he who must not mentioned” in one of his status updates the other day and thus the name appeared on my newsfeed and bummed me out. You know how there are some people in your life who you can just no longer stand through either having been done wrong by said individual or their mannerisms just begin to rankle after several years and it all becomes detrimental to the point that you don’t even want to acknowledge their existence. Without even realising it Doig did this. That’s a dealbreaker.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
It cuts down the risk of future annoyance as a result of such a posting as above.

STATUS AT DELETION:
“parts of the insomniac wheel”

ANY HESITATION:
A bit. The last time I bumped into him was at an Antelope gig a couple of years ago.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
The old music scene days come back to haunt me from time to time.

FINAL WORDS:
What’s with the robot and monster obsession in the profile photos? Also my heart genuinely skipped when I saw the “R.I.P Andrew Barkley Doig” Facebook group. For a split single I genuinely thought the wrath of the blog had incurred a real life cull.

DAY EIGHTY ONE – CHRIS WAUGH

2010-02-19T06:55:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
To tie in with video week on the Hundred Days project this is Chris who I used to work with at the studio. He is an American and unsurprisingly his surname is pronounced “war” as opposed to “waff”. The video connection comes from an event called “Happy Hour Friday” that turned into something of a cull in itself as post work drinks were arranged in the bespoke bar set up in the drum room of the big studio (complete with Del Boy’s actual bar from Only Fools And Horses) just as a number of people at the place lost their jobs. As ever with free hooch I was one of the last men standing and on this occasion it was with Chris. While we sat discussing the situation and circumstances I noticed that there was a red light on the camcorder that had been apparently taping the recording session. It turned out that it had also been recording “Happy Hour Friday”, to which obviously drew paranoid conclusions quickly recounting just what I had just said as I stuffed a handful of herb into my pocket.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
Chris was very American and by that I mean always upbeat and friendly, which over the years I have chosen to approach with suspicion. None of this was warranted with Chris though as his Texan attitude would serve to plunder through any issues it would appear. With his metal hair and mini beard it was funny to watch him wear a Black Label Society t-shirt while working on countless sessions by successful chart pop acts. There is a true subversion in that. I used to pride myself in being the only person in the building that had ever heard of GG Allin but I think ultimately his gesture was cooler. Additionally the guy was going out with (and I think has now married) a lady who apparently was one of Gwen Stefani’s Harajuku Girls at one time. Too cool.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
Despite the mad props above I don’t really have reason to keep him in my friend list anymore. He is just the latest in a long line of old studio types I am sad to think I will never see again.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
It reminds me of good times. That and cuts down on the Chris congestion currently taking place in/on my friend list.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
The same hesitation that comes with culling all and any of the old studio people.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
No, we last saw each other back in 2007 which is now three years and counting.

FINAL WORDS:
Until I looked at his Facebook photos I never knew Chris was a man of the cloth.

DAY EIGHTY – EMMA PEARCE

2010-02-18T01:55:00.001-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Emma is an old person from school who used to have a different surname at school. Now, does this mean she has got married or is now residing in the witness protection scheme? As many of my old school colleagues Facebook photos now display balding craniums (and that’s just the ladies) of all the old school peoples on my friend list she appears to be the person to have maintained best of all.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
As ever we exchange cyber friend requests as part of the school deluge a few years ago but with her doing a similar day commuter run from Essex to London as myself we did actually cross paths early 2008 when we bumped into each other on a train home and had a really great, booze fuelled conversation. This was one of the best timed moments of human contact in recent memory for me as I had just “words” with the eventual Day 100.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
She’s an Arsenal supporter and I’m just in the mood. Also that surname combined with school memories conjures up sick images. That’s a dealbreaker.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
Today I am working off barely three hours sleep. For me to function and do anything at all (let alone today’s cull entry) is something of a personal achievement for me at this time. This truly is the human spirit in full flow (I think I am in the throes of mania right now, isn’t sleep deprivation what killed off the dinosaurs).

STATUS AT DELETION:
“Is regretting having vodka for dinner last night”

ANY HESITATION:
She is actually one of the few people from school I have seen and spoken to in the past five years.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
The next time I need a shoulder to cry on on my train home I doubt she will be there.

FINAL WORDS:
Oh shit, I don’t think my idea for the 100 Days museum is strong enough. Can I borrow a feeling?

DAY SEVENTY NINE – XXXXX XXXXX-XXXXX

2010-02-17T01:14:00.000-08:00

FACEBOOK CULL

DAY SEVENTY NINE – XXXXX XXXXX-XXXXX

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
This may be an act of plagiarism. One of my failings is my association with silver spooner types. With this I genuinely possess some kind of complex as neither my background nor education appears to be enough for certain people in my life I appear to equate as being friends. As a result I tend to get angry at the abundance of people in my life that appear to be coasting and swanning through existence while making me feel insecure without much in the way of effort or intention. As a result of this I have something of an attitude of disdain towards people with double barrelled names and unfortunately today XXXXX is getting caught in the crossfire of this mentality, not that I consider XXXXX to resemble anything of what I have just described above.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
XXXXX is part of the old Colchester crowd. We used to get on really well until one Boxing Day we went to a birthday day party for a friend (I really should cull him too) where his family had set aside the shed (THE SHED!) for their grandmother to go and smoke cigarettes in. Perhaps there was a tidy inheritance on the way and this was why the family were encouraging her to smoke herself to a quicker demise. The shed actually had a sign on it christening the tomb “Granny’s Grotto”, what the fuck were we dealing with here? Anyway as inside the house the party waned I am ashamed to admit that some of us took up refuge within “Granny’s Grotto”, in essence evicting an old lady from her dwellings. As she got paranoid that we were smoking her fags (I don’t smoke) slowly we got drunk and eventually a scuffle occurred between XXXXX and I when they refused to let me out the shed. Thus forever our friendship from here onwards has always had an elephant in the room.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
Communication with XXXXX is sporadic at best. On Christmas Day I received a random text message saying “Rumour has it you got mugged last night and the robber gave you 2 options, 1. Suck his cock or 2. Give him your phone. Still have your phone I see!” and I had no idea who it was from. When I found out it was from him I wasn’t surprised. These days XXXXX resides in Italy I believe although he is very quiet on Facebook which has actually caused some of us concern over the past year, especially considering that XXXXX was the first (and for long time only) person I had to block on MSN because he was hitting me for chat at all hours (and with my PC being at the end of my bed invariably this would wake me up).

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
Today I just needed to get my silver spooner rant off my chest in some capacity/degree, especially in the light of me being too chicken to cull the actual person that is making me feel lousy. Some vent is better than no vent.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
Yes, despite Granny’s Grotto we always got on really well.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
I do expect to bump into him one day.

FINAL WORDS:
I saw Avatar last night instead of attending the One Hundred Days project 75 day point meet up. I now have Pandora Depression.

(modified by request on 10 September 2010)

DAY SEVENTY EIGHT – LAURA REEVE

2010-02-16T09:25:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
I used to work with Laura from 2000 and 2002. Up and until recently she continued to fill me in on office gossip but now that I think pretty much everyone else I knew there has moved on the messages have since stopped. Her (our) boss recently accepted my Linkedin invitation.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
In a female dominated office (trust me it’s a bad thing, Baker Street attests to this also) she was the only person I could talk about football to/with. She was also the person that spotted my flat Bohemian Grove in the local newspaper years ago. Within a couple of months I was a homeowner!

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
Back to the air family concept. I have suggested meeting up a couple of times over the past few years but no dice. That and the apparent Take That obsession. Also the numerous invitations to groups dedicated to characters from Gavin & Stacey.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
It gets me one cull closer to the hallowed 100 mark.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
Lots of hesitation, I even postponed it by a day until my mood turned sour.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
I might bump into her in town and I might not. Most recently I saw her in Tesco car park on a Saturday morning, which is a very strange occurrence for me being a person with a staunch reputation as being an Asda person.

FINAL WORDS:
In other news I returned home tonight to discover the wasabi sachet from Day 70 has finally been picked up. Great success!

DAY SEVENTY SEVEN – DANIEL SON

2010-02-15T02:04:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Continuing the theme of Plagiarism Week here is Daniel Son. The profile photo is of Daniel LaRusso and I think the actual name of the profile should really be “Daniel-San” but details details. The person in question is actually an old work colleague from my brief tenure at Baker Street. Despite the cunning disguise the person in question is actually a she, this is Hollie, and when she indeed transformed into the Karate Kid earlier this week I did do a Facebook double take. Last year she also transformed her profile into Blanche Hunt from Coronation Street and then for the longest time she was unfortunately stuck with the aged persona when either Facebook wouldn’t allow her to change it back or she couldn’t work out how to do it. I would like to envisage some kind of scenario where she would bang her head in an accident and upon coming round she suddenly thought she was the person in her profile. Unfortunately life is not so Hollywood sweet.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
Despite her being a West Ham supporter, despite her being somebody that would probably terrify me in any other walk of life we got on surprisingly really well at Baker Street. In an environment of so many straight laced and false individuals I think we shared some common ground. On the day that I handed in my notice she told me not to leave because we were the only real people at the company. I once saw her boyfriend (at the time) start on one of those pirate DVD sellers at the pub, to the point the poor Asian dude was saying “I’ll get the police.” Memories.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
The Daniel Son profile change freaked me out and as a result it makes this something of an easy cull as I am able to perform it under the wire, incognito fashion. Also she is a West Ham fan and I seem to remember on Day 42 I instigated a no West Ham supporters rule.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
One less reminder of my time at Baker Street can only be a good thing for me. Sweep the leg Johnny.

STATUS AT DELETION:
“oooh im so glad i painted my toes last night. got my kicks off and am bare foot in front of the fire today (yes i am in the office) come and marvel at my pretty toes!”

ANY HESITATION:
Yes because she is the one person at the company that has remained in touch with me (to some degree).

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
I would be surprised, she has 1147 and even though nobody really has that many friends in the real world I doubt she’ll notice my passing.

FINAL WORDS:
My second Karate Kid reference on Facebook Cull, what’s that about? There is legend (according to Patton Oswalt) that Johnny Lawrence, devastated by his defeat, later ended up being The Gimp in Pulp Fiction.

DAY SEVENTY SIX – STEVEN WARD

2010-02-14T01:46:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Wardo was the guitarist and singer with great Glaswegian band Empire-Builder who we released a seven inch by on Gringo Records. They were a great band that sounded like Slint. Everyone used to comment about him apparently having yellow fingers but I didn’t see it myself. The last time I spoke to him was at Latitude Festival in 2006 when he was doing the sound for the 1990s. The last time I saw him was a year or so ago when the band were playing a gig at The Borderline and on my way to kickboxing I spotted him in the late Charing Cross Road branch of Borders. I barely acknowledged him, only recognising him with hindsight after it was too late to say “hello.” I expect sadly this reaction was mutual.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
I loved Empire-Builder and Steven, Robert and Colin were totally cool peoples. I have an amazing CD-R of seven of their tracks (recorded by Phil) that were tragically never released, such a band! On a lesser note I also have a mess of a remix DJGRAM did for one of their songs containing an Andrew Dice Clay bit about “cunt farts” while “Let There Be Rock” by AC/DC plays in the background. Way to ruin a song Jason.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
Other than the two recent times of bumping and almost bumping into each other we haven’t really remained in touch. Looking at his profile I get the impression that he doesn’t really go in for this Facebook lark. Ironically it would appear that his Empire-Builder bandmate Colin has deleted me from Facebook at some point in the past. I am also very jealous of him being Facebook friends with Norman Blake.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
I will come clean now and concede that picking people to delete is really becoming difficult but remaining true to the cause here goes with the latest culling. Persistence is a virtue, isn’t it?

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
Lots of hesitation, I wish we were still in touch but people move on.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
Maybe I’ll bump into him one day but probably not.

FINAL WORDS:
Is this really my Valentine’s Day cull? Couldn’t I have dug up some juicy tale of a lady that broke my heart in celebration? I’m a lamestain.

DAY SEVENTY FIVE – SAM CROSS

2010-02-13T07:48:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
For the first half of my life anybody housing the surname “Cross” was a complete and utter dick but then I discovered the comedian David Cross and the losing streak was ended and then I had the pleasure of working with Sam Cross at the studio. Yet another nice guy working incredibly hard but keeping his cool (and manners) in the face of vocation adversity, basically Sam was a dude.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
Sam was added as part of the big collective studio friend request. It fit because often when we would cross paths he would call me “Matey”. Personally I think there should be different hierarchies to Facebook friend lists, upper echelons and the like. With this in mind I think it would be great for the website to instigate a “Matey List” to compliment its Friend List.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
Realistically I don’t think I’ll be cross paths with Sam again or getting in touch with him.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
It marks my arriving at the three quarter stage of this project displaying my commitment to the cause and a general positive trait of mine that does not necessarily get commended often.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
Yup, as with all the old studio bods I only have fond memories of them and the place.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
Unless there is going to be a big studio reunion (unlikely) sadly I don’t think I’ll ever see Sam again.

FINAL WORDS:
In other news I have found myself somewhat confused today as Day 25 has sent me a friend request (a refriend request?). To say I am surprised to receive this would be an understatement at best, a pleasant one but a surprise all the same. This goes coupled with another refriend request that came from Day 71 the morning after she was culled. Right now though, I ain’t going back on my decision. Also elsewhere the discarded yoghurt top that caused me to rant and rave on Day 70 has now been removed although the Wasabi sachet remains.

DAY SEVENTY THREE – KEVIN SMITH

2010-02-11T03:17:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
It is Plagiarism Week on the One Hundred Days project and in the spirit of team spirit let me introduce to you Kevin Smith. No, not the guy that plays Silent Bob. No, not the guy that maxed out his credit cards and sold his comic book collection to make Clerks. And no not the guy that scarily captured events of one of my failed relationship attempts in the movie Chasing Amy. This Kevin Smith is nothing to do with the View Askew universe but instead is a crazy drummer who (I believe) is currently working in Ethiopia on a charity project. In other words he is a prince among men who I wouldn’t be culling otherwise were it not for Plagiarism Week, an idea and concept lifted directly from the Lizzie Poulton blog “10 Weeks Of Plagiarism – To Make Me A Better Person”. It is her fault Kev.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
Kevin used to be drummer in Reynolds who we put a single and an album by on Gringo Records before things went pear shaped on a personal and professional level. The last time I caught him playing (just prior to travelling to Africa) was for the incendiary Blaklava (formerly known as the Righteous Bastards). He hadn’t lost a beat. In addition to his drumming talent/technique Kevin is a hilarious drunk who once somehow at the ATP festival in 2002 managed to grab hold of a pair Speedo trunks that Cheap Trick threw into the crowd. After proceeding to rub said glorified pants in the faces of all of us (his now former friends) he endeavoured to use them to tie the Queen Vic doors closed in some kind of impromptu lock-in, scenes I doubt have been since there before or since.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
He is using another man’s name, that is plagiarism. Also in a number of profile photos he is appears to be using the look of Mark “Chopper” Read.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
It shows that I am a true team player with my dedication to the project and the cause. As a result this demonstrates that I am a person that can be relied upon.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
Yes because I didn’t want to cull Kev, Plagiarism Week made me do it. Also in a complete act of hypocrisy I WON’T be culling David Mitchell who could be posing as this, this or this. The Cat Stevens lookalike survives too even though I suspect he thinks I’m a racist. Ethics? Pah!

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
I really hope when Kev returns from Africa Blaklava get back down to doing what they do best: RAWK!

FINAL WORDS:
In other news, keeping up with the Plagiarism Week theme it would appear that Facebook themselves have performed a cull their own. Plagiarists ahoy!

DAY SEVENTY TWO – RICHARD PURKISS

2010-02-10T09:51:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Richard was another person that worked at the Notting Hill and was always nothing but super cool and very friendly. At a time when culls have sounded quite angry and today I have discovered somebody has culled me themselves (beat me to it), it seems/feels wrong to be culling somebody such as Richard. I will have to admit this project is getting tough now.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
Quite frankly Richard rocks. Every time I see Wes Brown play football now he reminds me of him (it’s the curly hair). This is a slight improvement on Richard’s “Facebook Doppelganger Week” profile photo of Rod (or Todd) Flanders. My own doppelganger was Ronald Koeman. Now on with “Dogpelganger week” for which my photo is this. He also once told me that he would like to read my book, which is the shortcut to my heart.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
This is an “air family” deletion, a work based culling of a somebody I’m sadly not expecting to meet up with again.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
My friend list is already bogged down by a great number of Richards, none of whom I refer to as “Rick” or “Dick”. This just might be my most spurious reasoning yet!

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
Some hesitation but actually lots of frustration as a day or two ago Facebook changed its format once more and wrecked what just beginning to look like a good thing, a format that we were all now used to after the initial chagrin and distaste. Once more Facebook appears to experienced a bout of feeling self-conscience and gone and changed her looks again. Is she really so insecure? And why do I consider Facebook to be a female entity?

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
I don’t expect to bump into any old studio types again but it would be cool if I did.

FINAL WORDS:
Don’t go changing, unlike Facebook that appears to change every other month.

DAY SEVENTY ONE – GERMAINE-NICHOL HUGHES

2010-02-09T03:25:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Germaine is somebody I know through my friend Pauly. They are both Manculas, which is my term for people from Manchester (and surrounding areas). Germaine was in large part responsible for one of my greatest London evenings in 2008 when she got me into the first My Bloody Valentine comeback show at the ICA. Beforehand I went to see In Search Of A Midnight Kiss and all coupled with the sunny summer evening this night was pretty much perfection in my book. She has since got me into an Ai Weiwei art opening and a Micachu And The Shapes gig, which were also pretty solid.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
She is always really nice and particularly notable for being somebody that doesn’t give me any shit. Also at this time last year she was purveyor of some very very good advice to me regarding the (apparent) fairer sex although our conversation and opinions at the time were being fuelled on complementary flutes of champagne. Yes you read it; I just used the word flute to describe a fancy glass.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
She has asked me to cull her. Now whether this means she no longer wants to be friends with me or if she wants to be part of this little experiment/project is open to debate but being an accommodating person I am only too happy to comply with her request. If her reason is the former I can fully understand.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
As ever happy and all too obliging to do what people want me to do here I am agreeing to her request.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
Yes because quite frankly I do not want to delete her from my friend list.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
She might beat me up the next time we see each other if I DON’T cull her.

FINAL WORDS:
See you tonight?

DAY SEVENTY – STU CONSTANTINE

2010-02-08T09:09:00.001-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Welcome to my second anger cull. I know I know, don’t cull in anger but hear me out. Stu is my neighbour (number 15) in Colchester or at least he was until he moved up to London a year or so ago and sublet his flat, the one next to mine. At first all was gravy, the girl that moved in was a quiet nurse with a pet rabbit. She was fine. Occasionally she would park in my parking space but at the end of the day nobody died. Also occasionally I would pass the front door to see it still open but that was fine. Now in November she moved out and in her place has moved some kind of personal trainer. At first she was fine, I even witnessed the signature of the tenancy. Then the annoyances started. First suddenly there was a bike parked on my landing. OK, this is no biggy but when I see the marks it has left on the wall in our communal area it only served to display her disregard and contempt for her neighbours. These were walls we were forced and ordered to pay through the nose for to get decorated a few years ago. Then the door slamming started. Not just once but twice every time, first through the entrance hall and then to the frontdoor of the apartment. How the fuck is she causing the doors to thump so hard? Is she pumped on steroids from being a personal trainer? Does she come from badstock and a family of door slamming ASBOs? Finally things hit the fan last week (last Wednesday) when after the latest bout of crashing doors I emerged to discover a discarded yoghurt lid on the carpet of our landing (and to a lesser extent an abandoned Wasabi sachet on the stairs). Now I know this is a small thing and it would be easier to just pick up the litter and bin it but why? WHY? I don’t want to touch the lid because it has that annoying bit of yoghurt residue on the corner that normal people lick off. Thinking of it I just want to puke. It has sat there five days now, almost a week. I sense given any longer it will soon sprout legs and walk off on its own.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
Originally Stu was the first neighbour had really spoken to after living in the apartment complex after living there for a few years.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
For renting out his apartment to a pig (see above).

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
It makes me feel better to get this off my chest, my very big chest.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
Yes because he’s probably going to want to borrow my stepladder again soon.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
Yes because he is my neighbour and he will be back. And he has my phone number!

FINAL WORDS:
I truly am a nightmare neighbour (in my own way).

DAY SIXTY NINE – CIARA NEWELL

2010-02-07T01:16:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
When I introduced Ciara to my American Friend a couple of years ago she commented that she was “the most gorgeous person she had ever met.” Perhaps it was her Irish accent and mannerisms that complimented her amazing looks that prompted such a comment. Of course also such remarks from an American are always to be taken with a pinch of salt being somewhat disingenuous. Anyway Ciara (pronounced “Kira”) worked at the studio working with a real dodo of an individual. Despite this she kept smiling and was always nothing but cool and friendly to me. When I qualified as an accountant she was the first person to high five me. At this point I should add that all this goodness was on top of her being a former popstar! Previously Ciara was in a group called Bellefire who quite frankly if you blinked you would have missed them but they did indeed appear on Top Of The Pops a couple of times making them bonafide popstars by any set of fame criteria. To a lesser extent they also appeared on CD:UK but of course we never talked about any of that.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
Is it not obvious? She was gorgeous, she was a (former) popstar and she was nice to me. Duh!

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
I’m adopting and instigating a “no pretty people” rule to my Facebook friend list. Gotta give the others a chance. Also she is becoming part of that new cult like movement on Facebook: photos with Jedward. Trust me, they will only do damage to society in the long run. Indeed my own hair is sticking up vertically this morning, that is not natural.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
I think by sharing my memories and experiences with you all and trying to entertain everybody then that makes me a good and better person.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
Yup, it’s beginning to get tough now.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
Only when that Bellefire reunion happens.

FINAL WORDS:
A much better person than Mike Newell and probably much nicer to female match officials to boot.

DAY SIXTY EIGHT – IAN NORMAN

2010-02-06T00:52:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Ian was somebody I used to go to school with. We were quite good buddies and we used to rib him for being religious (although this now apparently is “open to offers” according to Facebook). He was a Star Trek fan so if all else failed I was always able to talk to him about Jean-Luc Picard and Data. Its great when your friends are known for having a pop culture passion about something. Unfortunately at around the same time my own passion was now for WWF wrestling, which hardly endeared me to the opposite sex even though I thought it an interest and pursuit most manly. Ian was the person I sat next to in Science class, which was a subject I was never able to grasp hold of. He on the other hand was an utter genius at the subject. This was also the period prior to my finally succumbing to wearing glasses so I was short-sighted as fuck and had to copy his writing for the questions let alone the answers. Ironically his dad was an optician.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
Despite his visible annoyance at my attempts to copy his Science book he remained cool to me, even good enough to accept my Facebook friend request a few years ago.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
He’s collateral damage in the sub genre of cull that I call the “School Cull”. That and his status at deletion (see below).

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
It’s unlikely but perhaps every time Ian sees one of my status updates in his newsfeed he might possibly snarl, “I wonder who he copied that from?” As I say it’s unlikely but if I can prevent such an emotional reaction then I am that slightly bit better as a person.

STATUS AT DELETION:
“is looking forward to Strictly Live on saturday”

ANY HESITATION:
Yes a lot because I’d like to think we would still get along even if he might suspect me being one of those annoying people that reads your newspaper over your shoulder on public transport.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
None unless one day all the old school people I have culled gather together and gang up to cull me back.

FINAL WORDS:
Live long and prosper.

DAY SIXTY SEVEN – ROB SMITH

2010-02-05T02:03:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Again Rob is somebody I knew from working at the studio in Notting Hill. The impression that I got was that he was fucking good at his job and somewhat socialist and Unison in his approach to the role (to his credit). Swear Lady used to refer to him as a “shop steward.” One of the things we bonded over was the fact that he supported Northampton Town while Millwall were in the same division. We failed to bond over music but we managed to connect on that.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
Blah blah blah he was a work colleague and just as Facebook was taking off (maybe peaking) at the studio we all jumped on the gimmick of adding one another to our respective friend lists. That said the few times we went out for drinks and he dragged his girlfriend (later his wife, already culled) he prevailed in producing a good atmosphere.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
We’d be strangers now if we bumped into each other. That and Northampton Town suck.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
At a stretch, it means I am no longer bogging down his friend list and my inane status updates are not appearing in his newsfeed.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
Not really. Its nothing personal.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
Unexpected.

FINAL WORDS:
Where are The Cobblers?

DAY SIXTY SIX – TARIQ MATTAR

2010-02-04T01:06:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
My latest series of culls appear to be from people I met and worked with at the studio in Notting Hill. Taz was another assistant there who worked shitty hours for little in the way of gratitude from the powers that be. In his current Facebook profile picture he looks scarily like House (erm, probably because it is him) and hinted at a similar sense of humour to boot. Unfortunately my strongest and most recurring memory of him was the day that he was shitcanned from the studio which unfortunately came around the same time that he had just bought a home. It was one of the most blatant examples of how cutthroat the studio culture and management was with the place having the highest staff turnover I have ever encountered through my career. Of course the decisions were seldom made on rational decisions, more from cross-eyed choices and insecurity.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
Much like with my old school chums, at the studio we went through a period/deluge of adding all our colleagues as a subculture of blitz spirit prevailed as the powers that be made used a curious method to run the shop.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
Taz was cool but we weren’t tight so I doubt I’ll encounter him again.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
I feel empowered having reached the two third point of the project.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
Some because no doubt he is likely to Google his name one day and happen across this entry (and website). How many Tariq Mattars can there be in the world?

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
It is now sadly two and a half years and counting since I worked at the studio which I still regard as the favourite job of my career (even though the scandalous salary nearly sent me to the poor shop).

FINAL WORDS:
Say “hi” to Danton.

DAY SIXTY FIVE – SIMON BARRETT

2010-02-03T01:24:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Simon was someone I knew from the studio where he was being paid as a Middle East expert in some vanity project. Despite him being an Arsenal supporter we clicked and got on, often going for lunch at the Market Thai on Portobello Road which remains some of the greatest food I have ever had in London.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
He was a genuinely interesting guy, totally passionate and knowledgeable about his subject of choice, moving in interesting circles and meeting interesting people. For a short while it felt like I had an inside scoop on the world of Islamic terrorism which culminated one day which his apparent knowledge of an attack set to occur on my birthday one year. In the end no such attack occurred. The last thing I heard about him was fronting a TV show on some religious channel.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
When I changed jobs although he came to my leaving meal we didn’t really stay in touch. Eventually he turned up on Facebook and I sent out a friend request but it wasn’t likely to reignite a friendship.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
People seem to think I am already down enough on Islam without such people influencing my opinions.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
Yes, I really miss the stories.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
I doubt I’ll bump into him again soon.

FINAL WORDS:
Genesis.

DAY SIXTY FOUR – REBECCA PAGE

2010-02-02T08:10:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
In keeping with my Page surname motif here is my American friend Rebecca. Amongst other things Rebecca provided vocals for Share The Shame in impressive style on the right side of Lydia Lunch screaming for Teenage Jesus & The Jerks. “We Hold Grudges” is a particular classic from the band.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
She is cool beans organising cool art and music events in East London. Unfortunately however she is American and in recent years my experiences of Americans have tended to be universally bad. It’s not her fault but best err on the side of precaution.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
Back in 2007 we were both in the same six berth chalet at the Dirty Three ATP festival. It was all going well until I passed out on the sofa on the Saturday night only for Rebecca to through an entire settee cushion on my head causing the rudest of awakenings. The anger flowed as I made a fool of myself before grumpily storming off to bed. My bad but she started it. That’s a dealbreaker.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
Prevention is better than cure. This is my tiny way of sticking it to America.

STATUS AT DELETION:
“Today I am doing a final clear out of my flat on Vyner Street. Cheap vintage clothes and teas and cakes. Shop will open at midday until 5 or 6pm. Follow the signs on Vyner Street.”

ANY HESITATION:
Yes, this is a very tenuous and undeserving cull mainly done to tie in with the Page gimmick. The problem is that I like making reference to Bettie Page.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
I could well find myself bumping into her in the near future.

FINAL WORDS:
Should I do a Myspace cull?

DAY SIXTY THREE – JULIA PAGE

2010-02-01T01:32:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Julia was briefly the receptionist at the Notting Hill studio. She was a really really nice person but had the misfortune to be going into the role after the previous receptionist was disposed off under dubious circumstances. It was impossible to be mad at Julia for this though (instead all malice was aimed at the eighties super producer), especially the days when she would wear a feather boa to work. No shit, she used to wear a feather boa to work. As the feathers shred at times it began to feel like we were working with Bernie Clifton. Still it was impossible to dislike her although when she would come up into our finance office to have her lunch our room would go quiet for some reason which would probably only serve to make her feel paranoid. Perhaps we were silent from holding back our giggles regarding the feather boa. The feather boa! She didn’t last long.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
Oh it’s a no-brainer, she was super nice. I probably fancied her. Unfortunately she was not a relative of Bettie Page. Her artwork is genuinely great though.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
There was once a scene in The Young Ones where Rick was getting really excited about a new Yoof TV programme called “Nosin’ Around” in which there is a character that Julia always reminded me of. That’s a dealbreaker.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
There is no point in giving me memory fuel to power snide anecdotes. I have to be nicer.

STATUS AT DELETION:
“My words fly up, my thoughts remain below.Words without thoughts never to heaven go”

ANY HESITATION:
Yes, my Facebook friend list just got uglier.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
I don’t expect so, we’re from different socio-economic demographics.

FINAL WORDS:
The pictures of walking the dog and diving into a swimming pool are two of the best I have seen on Facebook.

DAY SIXTY TWO – GRANT GILBERT

2010-01-31T07:32:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Grant was someone I went to primary and secondary school with as we grew up in the same village. It was actually in his back garden where I had my first kiss with a girl. Good times. Later in 1993 when we did work experience at school the pair of us ended up working in Dixons in Clacton where we basically spent our days in the staff room watching all the instructional videos and drinking cups of tea. The highlight was the day that the bosses, bored of us being a nuisance, sent us out into Clacton with a camcorder. I still have that sky blue video cassette at home even if I don’t have a working VCR to play it on. Oh my that is Youtube gold just waiting to happen. A couple of years later I then found myself working with Grant again as he was working at “The Abattoir” in Kirby although I hated the place and found myself getting sacked after only a couple of months when I apparently slammed a door in my boss’s face after he had pissed me off.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
We became friends on Facebook as part of the big school friend request that I keep labouring the point over. I think we shared the same middle name also.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
I haven’t seen Grant since I briefly worked with him back in 1995, which now is scarily fifteen years ago.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
To be honest I don’t think it does.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
I’m feeling weary today and as such feeling a general hesitation towards culling anybody.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
Unlikely at this time.

FINAL WORDS:
Loving the picture of playing guitar with Slash although I don’t think it is real.

DAY SIXTY ONE – ZOE MILLER

2010-01-30T06:43:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Zoe is my cousin and with my growing up as an only child without brothers or sisters my weekends spent with my cousins were the closest I came to experiencing having siblings. Well, that until I turned 15 and my parents bought our first West Highland Terrier Snowy and suddenly I felt neglected and a true sibling rivalry ensued. That aside my salad days (or rather non-salad days) were definitely influential on the way I developed as a person. Yes, I’m playing the blame game.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
She is family and you’re supposed to add family, less you are supposed to delete family.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
She keeps doing these stupid sex surveys on Facebook and then sending out invitations to her entire friend list for them to take for comparison. We are related by blood!!!! No!!!! That’s a dealbreaker.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
In addition to the survey thing I have had a really nasty experience with another Zoe in the past couple of years and any memory trigger of her is not necessarily healthy.

STATUS AT DELETION:
“1st Sunday off in ages n i feel crappy….and no i dnt have a hangover….sum1 has passed on their bugs!! xxxx”

ANY HESITATION:
Yeah, I could cop a lot of shit for this one.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
I dare say somewhere down the line there will be an extended family reunion.

FINAL WORDS:
Bored today.

DAY SIXTY – GRAHAM ARCHER

2010-01-29T12:17:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Graham was someone that I knew from working at the recording studio in Notting Hill. This guy had the most even temperament of any person I have ever come across in my working career and I cannot recall him once moaning or slagging a person off.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
He was added as a friend as part of the deluge of studio co-workers exchanging friend requests while sharing a blitz spirit and hard work ethic (although I was never subjected to the hours that those guys were).

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
Its been a couple of years now since my time at the studio so I half expect were we to see each other in the street we would barely recognise each other let alone acknowledge one another. Surprisingly though looking at his Facebook profile he still appears to be at the studio while the majority of the other people I worked with at the studio were culled in another way altogether. Also surely its poor form to have a person in your friend list using your surname as their first name. Surely that is some kind of identity theft of the most feeble manner. That’s a dealbreaker.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
Attitude wise Graham and I are probably polar opposites and in a way this gives rise to something of a complex in me, making me think/consider that the way I do things is wrong. Quite frankly anything that gives that little wiener voice inside me reason to pipe up needs to be snuffed out. Removing such an urge (such a person) to make me think this way can only be good.

STATUS AT DELETION:
“Is off to LA”

ANY HESITATION:
Top guy, he really doesn’t deserve culling.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
I can’t see one.

FINAL WORDS:
OK, I must concede the photos from Glastonbury with the dress did freak me out.

DAY FIFTY NINE – DAVID ALEXANDER HOUGH

2010-01-28T06:22:00.001-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
He’s some guy that used to knock about our circle of friends in Colchester centred around the Arts Centre about ten years ago.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
It was nice to add a name and face from back in the day.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
Tired of receiving numerous mind numbing or ridiculous self important group invitations I ran a Facebook status declaring “the next person to send me a stupid group invitation gets culled.” This status touched a nerve with a few people who happily clicked the “Like” button in agreement. Within a day I found myself being invited to a group called “Let Chilcott apportion blame and issue arrest warrants!” Now, where to start with this? The flagrant dismissal of my petty and childish threat? The humourless context of such an annoying group on what should really be a light and fun social networking website? The Glenn Beck in reverse manner of the group? This comes after a long, long line of annoying political status updates (see below) using a medium not necessarily aimed at such a demographic (old men). Malcom Tucker he is not.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
It reflects me standing for my principles and carrying through with my (miniscule) threat rather than being passive aggressive.

STATUS AT DELETION:
“Is the media falling a little out of love with Cameron at last? Andrew Neil to Eric Pickles, “How come when you drill beneath the surface Tory policy, it crumbles in your hand? Even better he said, “Maybe if you were in opposition for a bit longer we’d find out what your policies were!” Never thought I would be agreeing with Neil!”

ANY HESITATION:
No, to be honest the crazed political status updates have been winding me up for a long time.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
We might cross paths in Colchester, we might not.

FINAL WORDS:
Fanatic!

DAY FIFTY EIGHT – JAMES KENNETT

2010-01-27T03:03:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
James was one of the people I worked with at Baker Street. He was actually in the same team as me, which was uncharitably nicknamed “Team Deadwood.” Within this team we set up the splinter group “J-Force”. We used to blag as many guest lists through work as possible of which the highlight (or lowlight) was going to see Nine Black Alps at Kings College (I think) during which I got totally obliterated and later while eating a Burger King on the train home I was promptly sick into my BK bag and as I endeavoured to remove the offending container my puke outweighed the cheap paper and the bottom quite literally fell out of night. Later as I waved him off at Chelmsford I found myself further throwing up out the window of the carriage. Being around ten years his senior (physically) this really was a gross display of conduct.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
He rocked because he got me in the Secret Santa draw in 2007 and got me the Booty Luv album wrapped in a Burger King bag (see above). We got on surprisingly well considering we are very different types of person.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
Occasionally I see him on the tube home these days and things tend to be a bit awkward between us as I suspect my name is mud at Baker Street (I shudder to think). That and to cut out the event invitations for his band whose name I really dislike. In the words of our other team member: “soz.”

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
Sometimes it is just best to cut your loses and leave bad experiences in the past and not dwell on them and not fester ill feeling towards any characters involved with such things.

STATUS AT DELETION:
“Meet me at the gates at 8. Leave now don’t be late”

ANY HESITATION:
A tad, its nothing personal.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
I do feel a genuine risk, not so much from James but from Baker Street. One day I suspect I’ll be having to approach these guys for a reference. We’ll see who’s laughing then.

FINAL WORDS:
Never ever say “there are some good songs on the James Blunt album.”

DAY FIFTY SEVEN – RHODA BAGORIO

2010-01-26T05:05:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
I was lucky to meet Rhoda in 2003 during my grumpy visit to California. When the Flanders and I spent a weekend in San Francisco we all stayed in Rhoda’s cosy apartment in the most expensive city on the globe. These should have been really great times as I arrived with the Anglophile obsessives of the flat watching the movie Darling. “Switch off the video, you know have a real Anglo Saxon in your house”. It was fun to meet her flatmates; the airhostess obsessed with Luke Haines and The Auteurs and her party housemate Michael the artist who I immediately clicked with (and later gave me a painting that I still have today). Later as we hit SF proper and partied at Club Fake I also met her friend Jen who terrified me and made my heart flutter all at the same time. Later we went outside for a smoke (I don’t smoke) and she gave me a cigarette, which I promptly passed onto a homeless lady after Jen had returned inside. However for every moment like this there was also the drag of an experience that was lying on a bed gooseberry style watching episodes of My So Called Life.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
Rhoda was totally friendly and as a result totally awesome with gorgeous to boot. Why wouldn’t she be my friend?

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
The trip to San Francisco represented the last days and moments of one of my best and strongest adult friendships (and how I knew Rhoda in the first place). As I said to Rhoda on the last day in SF, it was just not the best of times for her to be meeting me. Subsequently being that Rhoda reminds me of the California vacation it is probably necessary that I lose her.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
Even today I had a horrible ‘Nam-esqe flashback to California 2003. I really need to cut that shit out.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
Yes, lots. It is as if I am deleting bad memories instead of a person.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
There will be no real world issue.

FINAL WORDS:
I can kind of see it with San Francisco.

DAY FIFTY SIX – NAO UJIIE

2010-01-25T01:03:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Nao (pronounced “now”) was a Japanese girl I met in Kings Cross at a Limn gig at the height of summer in 2008. That really shouldn’t sound as seedy as it does. Her and her friend sat down next to us and began talking (they even asked me if I was in the band). With the best of intentions I have to say the pair of them were bonkers. Living in Peckham and claiming to be a couple of artists they would explain how they would go around pretending to be blind to fuck with people. As ever I impressed them with my knowledge of J-Pop singers and ability to through names such as Koda Kumi and Ayumi Hamasaki at them. I have to admit within the space of an hour or two in the company of Nao I became very fond of her and she seems surprisingly warm back. Unfortunately however I had to leave the gig early as proceedings turned almost into some kind of ugly reverse Cinderella story.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
Luckily the band were doing a mailing list for people to add their names and contact details to and it was here that I sneakily made a note of her email address which I promptly fired into Facebook’s search the very next morning. Voila, there she was and excitedly I hit her with a friend request. About a month later she accepted my friend request. Obviously she hadn’t been so excited to meet me after all. I then found my curiosity well and truly my downfall as while perusing her photos, she was plainly much younger than I had realised, suddenly I came across a section of photos with her sitting in a hospital. Christ, what on earth had happened to her? What was wrong with her? What did she have?

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
Quite frankly our Facebook friendship was built on misconception. Later she even restricted which sections of her profile I could see (basically the pictures).

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
This is a person in my mind I put on a plateau. I need to pull down that mental plateau all those undeserving people I have placed onto it. Lots of ears should be burning right now.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
Obviously hesitation comes with the deletion of a trophy “friend” but also what’s the point of holding on? That said I really do like the idea of having a friend called “Now”.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
Apparently her and her friend did turn up to another Limn gig (one I obviously missed) but now the band have split up it is unlucky there will be any other gig opportunities to accidentally on purpose bump into her.

FINAL WORDS:
Hey now.

DAY FIFTY FIVE – NADINE JAYNE WEBBER

2010-01-24T00:50:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Nadine lived on the street that I grew up on. As a result her mum and my mum became friends as they walked us to playschool and then primary school. As a result Nadine and I were supposed to be friends also but this really did not happen, quite frankly we seemed to hate each other throughout school. Most vividly I remember being invited to one of her birthday parties at her house and when the only other boy invited dropped out there I was the sole male at a girl’s sixth birthday party. It was not fun and these were perhaps the beginnings of my apparent misogynistic mannerisms.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
As adults we have proved somewhat more friendlier to each other and when she discovered me in the great school friend request frenzy we exchanged a couple of friendly messages, reminiscing about things that perhaps were not as great as we were recalling. I have to admit she looks quite pretty now as an adult suggesting to me that secretly I think I always wanted to be her friend growing up. Oh well, too late now.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
We’re not going to meet up again, why pretend so. That and people who include their middle names on their Facebook profiles are just shady.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
Perhaps I will be able to exhume memories of being the only boy at the all girl birthday party.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
Not with a person whose email address is “gonad31”.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
I wouldn’t have thought so.

FINAL WORDS:
What does it mean when a person fills in Political Views with “Other” on their profile?

DAY FIFTY FOUR – NIGEL CLEMENTS

2010-01-23T05:28:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Nigel was someone at school I used to get on with. With hindsight I remember him looking like the wrestler Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake but perhaps that comes from sniffing too much glue. Looking over his profile he appears to harbour an obsession with the Burgess Meredith version of The Penguin from the Batman TV series.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
Once again he was part of the great school friend Facebook surge, the act of seeming to add any name from school that we could recall or remember upon the mass discovery of Facebook a few years ago.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
He’s just one of those old school people that I have befriended on Facebook with no real intention of reconnecting with. This act I guess is the cyber equivalent of papering the audience. Also his profile photo is alarmingly a tin of Spaghetti Hoops. Is this what he has become? Did somebody Harry Potter him into a Heinz product? Dark times.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
One less person from school on my Facebook list is one less person to harp on about.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
Yeah because I used to bump into occasionally a few years after school (when we briefly both worked on the same industrial estate in Kirby during my tenure with “The Abattoir”) and was still a cool guy.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
Only if I buy a can of Heinz Spaghetti Hoops from the supermarket and it turns out to be him!

FINAL WORDS:
Job done.

DAY FIFTY THREE – TRISTAN LILLINGTON

2010-01-22T01:10:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
I used to work with Tristan at the studio in Notting Hill. He was a cool guy that spent the majority of the time smiling with dilated pupils. He and I bonded over a white middle class-esqe affection for hip hop. We would exchange music tips and edutain one another.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
In their own ways all the assistants at the studio were cool when faced with something of a temperamental boss and shitty (illegal) hours. They also had all the stories and gossip on the acts that were in recording so to be their mate in any capacity was opening up a whole stream of privy information. Tristan also has the most amazing set of Miami Vice pose photos, his wardrobe is strong.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
Once again my irrational fear of certain names kicks in as the name Tristan never in my mind bettered that of the neighbours’ kid in George And Mildred. That and I don’t think I will ever get to see him again. Also there are the Fightstar and Manchester United updates.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
As reported by The Metro today social networking websites (including Facebook) are causing a sudden rise in rickets through excessive usage so once tell person on our mutual friend lists means one less step closer to getting rickets. Everybody wins!

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
If I thought we’d be crossing paths again there is no way I would be culling him. Alas we are from very different demographics.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
I half suspect one day a studio bod will see their cullings and spread the word.

FINAL WORDS:
Timberlake.

DAY FIFTY TWO – SUE WAXMAN

2010-01-21T06:04:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Since beginning the cull a new person/name suddenly appeared on my Facebook friend list that I did not recognise. I thought I was supposed to be losing people, not gaining them! It actually turned out to be an old friend (perhaps friend of friend) Sue who in typical style got married in Lapland over Christmas. This to me is a pretty awesome thing to do, an act I would one day like to copy but am unlikely to ever do so. Sue is another old Colchester type who lived in the Dead Rat house with various other friends on Facebook (some culled, some remaining). She used to have the nickname “Skittles” because if she had the sweets the E numbers (or equivalent) in the colouring would send her into some kind of minor state of frenzy. Quite frankly who needs booze or alcohol when you possess such a gift as that.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
Thanks to connections through the Dead Rat house briefly we were part of the same broken social scene and circle, I always thought she was really cool. Unfortunately probably did not think likewise as incidents such as the Christmas Eve impromptu party occurred in the house where certain members of our group took her balloon (a gift from sometime, somewhere or someone) used it for helium fun. This night should also be noted for my friends trying to wrap me up in silver tin foil.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
Quite frankly the name change freaked me out. Its not her fault she found happiness and got married but it did remind that I am still single and miserable, in the best possible fashion. Also more sensibly it has now been several years since I last saw her so being friends on Facebook really doesn’t rub.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
It stops reminding me of a social circle that I never really fitted into.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
No, the Halloween photos are fucked up!

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
I don’t think so, is there?

FINAL WORDS:
Wax on, wax off.

DAY FIFTY ONE – ANDREA COLO COLOGNATO

2010-01-20T02:07:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Andrea is an Italian dude that used to work at my place but I haven’t seen for months. Being from Italy he spoke Italian and thus there was something of a language barrier between us as the majority of our conversations involved smiling, waving and saying football related words such as “Millwall” and “Elkjaer”. Last year when Millwall reached Wembley and the First Division Play Off Final he came to me in order to sort him out for tickets. There were better people he could have gone to but I sorted him out. Our greatest moment of friendship came when he told me he was from Verona and somewhere in the back of my mind I remembered that Preben Elkjaer of the AMAZING Denmark football team in the eighties indeed played for them in Italia. Unfortunately like another friend I have culled he possessed something of an interest in football hooliganism. Go figure.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
I think he was a cool guy although it is possible that every time he said something to me (in Italian) he was cussing me out with a smile. I don’t think so really though.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
I haven’t seen him in ages. Where is he? What happened to him? I really should ask.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
Like many other people I am really paranoid about having work colleagues as my friends on Facebook. There is a train of thought that suggests work and Facebook do not mix so erring on the side of caution I am slowly losing work colleagues from Facebook.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status (although it would have been in Italian).

ANY HESITATION:
Yes because when I put a Youtube video clip of the Bushwhackers wrestling in the WWF he was the only person to click the “like” button. What a dude.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
Unless he returns to work I don’t expect so, I half think he has left the country.

FINAL WORDS:
Bada bing!

DAY FIFTY – XXXXX XXXXX XXX XXXXXX

2010-01-19T01:41:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Here’s a big one for number 50. XXXXX and I were solid friends towards the end of our tenure at school and for a lengthy period after school we remained friends. In a freak accident he had one of his eyes shot out with an air pistol. He was my friend during the grunge years and actually was who I went with for my first ever gig which was Babes In Toyland supported by Trumans Water with local band Maniac Squat opening. The gig was at a club in Colchester called the Hippodrome of all places. It was weird. XXXXX was also the person I went with at one of my lowest points towards the end of school as a party in Great Bromley turned sour after I accidentally broke the toilet at a church hall before later being beaten up by a bunch of dickheads from a place called Brightlingsea. Unfortunately XXXXX was nowhere to be seen while this was happening. Also later that year (2003) XXXXX came along with my family and me to Florida and Disney World etc. These also were not the most perfect of times. Eventually he wound up being a postman as I wound up becoming an accountant. With his return to my world it would appear that XXXXX had made good on his promise to move to Australia. Scarily he has three sons.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
XXXXX re-emerged on Facebook about a year ago. At first his friend request was confusing as he was going solely by his new name but soon re-introduced himself and re-acquainted himself. The problem was he was communicating with me (and other old school people) as if school had just been a few weeks ago instead of fifteen fucking years ago. In a scene similar to in Goodfellas when Billy Batts (played by Phil Leotardo) asks Tommy Devito (Joe Pesci) to shine his shoes and Pesci reminds him “that was a long time ago” and that the over familiarity and pisstaking just no longer rubs. With regards to Facebook etiquette he just plundered that fucker.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
Some people really are best left in the past and unfortunately if they were trouble then, they are probably going to be trouble now. Also how can you trust a person that changes their surname? Especially a Tottenham supporter.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
To be friends with XXXXX again now is just a terrifying fucking concept, there was a gulf of difference between us back in the day that has now multiplied several times over.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
Absolutely none.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
Unlike other friends I made a point of keeping XXXXX at arm’s length when he first hit me up on Facebook and that was the way it remained.

FINAL WORDS:
Halfway there.

DAY FORTY NINE – ALEXANDRA CARLIER

2010-01-18T01:30:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Coming from France (like The Coneheads) Alexandra was a girl who I met a couple of times ten years ago while she was going out with a friend who played in a band. The first time I saw her was at The Garage in Highbury during the great Gringo Records tour of 2000 as she first met with my friend while I had my own personal drama going down elsewhere. Subsequently over the years I have been told stories of her apparent friendship with Pete Doherty.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
I think I actually added Alexandra as a friend in order to remind me of the period rather than to actually touch base with her. This was definitely a gesture of collecting friends like football stickers.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
It quite frankly terrifies me to think that it was ten years ago that we met as that whole period of my life consists of fond memories pointing towards the most exciting times. Whether they were as exciting or not is open to debate but they were definitely times I felt were being lived to the max.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
With her deletion I lose the remorse of nostalgia slipping into excessive reminiscence for times when I supposedly felt better about myself and was operating on a seemingly more successful level (the rose tint experience). I need to live in the now.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
As a person that often tends to cling to the past and memories too staunchly yes there was hesitation.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
I don’t think after ten years I am likely to come in contact with most people after such a period of gap.

FINAL WORDS:
Au revoir!

DAY FORTY EIGHT – DANIEL M TURNER

2010-01-17T01:03:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Dan was another person that was in my registration group at school. He was part of the large Bentley contingent (of which I am sure Ponyboy Curtis was part of) that came to our school from the sticks and was from a vast family, a number of whom I used to hang out with also. In football he had one hell of a shot/kick.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
He was one of the very first old school types to come out of the woodwork both on Facebook and Myspace. It was very weird to suddenly see a person after almost fifteen years all grown up (and without hair). I think we have actually befriended twice on Facebook as I believe he accidentally deleted his first profile. Daniel appears to be the person that comes up with all the old school group photos and puts them onto Facebook for us all to tag ourselves and guess who that zitty little fuck with curtains three rows from the back was called.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
Various reasons but one recent example was how I didn’t appreciate having his cunt little brother Matthew asking me if I had “come out” when I bumped into him in a club a few years ago. He then proceeded to give me some spiel about being in Top Gun or something. And he was accusing ME of being homosexual? Get away from me Hee Haw. So I guess really I am actually culling his genes.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
Yet again it’s the culling of an old school chum that serves to relieve me of existing angst from that time and period of my life. I hate to admit but sometimes deleting such people cheers me up.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
Next to none as my irrational disliking for people with the name “Daniel” once more is proven solid with evidence (to the best/worst of my recollection everyone at my school christened “Daniel” was an awful person). Maybe it is not so irrational after all.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
He added me as a friend on MSN Messenger around the same time we became “friends” on social networking sites but to date he has never seen fit to message me.

FINAL WORDS:
What does the fucking M stand for?

DAY FORTY SEVEN – OLIVIA ANNE WALLEY

2010-01-16T00:58:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Oliva is the wife of one of the few people I stayed in touch with from school as our respective paths once again crossed in the local Colchester music scene. In a scene of few genuine people and few heroes Richard and Olivia were truly fun and talented people to be around, not least when Richard performed as The Mice. Unfortunately for us the pair of them moved to New Zealand a couple of years ago where the air is fresh and the sea is still blue. They are with the sheep now, flying with concords and re-enacting Lord Of The Rings (OK, perhaps I am taking the NZ stereotypes too far now). That said I genuinely wish they were still around.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
She is a real rarity in so far as being one of my friend’s significant others than actually liked me, as for some reason most of my friends’ girlfriends really don’t take to me. Go figure. I actually fear I may have added them on Facebook after they had left England for New Zealand which would kind of make a) our friendships futile and b) my culling now slightly hypocritical.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
I actually think Olivia might be one of the few people to find my culling of her humorous. My fondest memory of her was one time when we were drunk and doing mime jokes of a rude variety which pretty much defined we had similar senses of humour.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
Removing Olivia removes my reminiscing about the “good old days” of the Colchester scene and bemoaning about the current state of proceedings as so many people have now moved on.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
Lots of hesitation today as I really hope one day to bump into Richard and Olivia again one day, hopefully they will return to England, Essex and Colchester for a visit eventually.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
As above but to be honest I can’t see any real-time affects of her removal.

FINAL WORDS:
Thanks for laughing at my stupid jokes and comments.

DAY FORTY SIX – KAORU BLACKSTONE

2010-01-15T10:53:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Perhaps the most recent addition I am going to cull on this little experiment Kaoru was a Japanese lady I met in the summer (September) when a group of us went to the Japanese Matsuri event at Spitalfields to see the Frank Chickens, who by the way had a dancer called Steve Nice in tow who became the first person to tell in person that he liked my Facebook Cull, thus preventing him from the snip. Kaoru was an interesting person who quite frankly I could never get a reading on, I could not tell if she was being patronising or if she was genuinely interested in what I had to say. We talked about art for a while and then about some kind of conceptual forest that she thought was in Essex but actually turned out to be in Sussex. By the end of the evening though she was getting grumpy, perhaps she had uncomfortable shoes on. When we eventually wound up in an amazing Vietnamese restaurant in Shoreditch where I found myself eating crispy friend frog it would seem that she wasn’t loving it. However come the end of the evening as business cards were being exchanged she showed us her novelty business card with a gap to put a curled up finger in with view to resembled a vagina. As I failed to laugh heartily at the gag (like the rest of our gaggling group) Kaoru kept accusing me of not finding it funny, for almost being a prude. What the fuck, I just didn’t think it was funny.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
Kaoru and her husband were super friendly display inclinations towards hanging out again and very soon. It all felt like rhubarb and subsequently almost six months later they have not been in touch. Pretend new best friends.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
The fucking business card. I have never had a business card and it is one of my remaining ambitions to have some and here is a person literally desecrating the privilege with smut.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
Adding Kaoru was indicative at what is wrong with Facebook and adding people you really do not know. This serves as a true timely reminder of just how superficial these things can be.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
Only hesitation if we hang out soon.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
I doubt we will hang out soon.

FINAL WORDS:
I’m learning tonight that Jagermeister is 35%

DAY FORTY FIVE – CLAIRE WRIGLEY

2010-01-14T00:48:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Claire was somebody I worked with until around this time last year when she decided against being an accountant in the restaurant industry to take up physiotherapy (or something similar). Towards the tenure of my knowing her once more here was a co-worker that appeared to be thoroughly miserable working in my company. She did however once tell me “I could never be pissed off at you” but at the same time she wasn’t overtly keen either. Regardless on the whole we got on, initially striking up a tight friendship over a shared fondness for the TV show Arrested Development and taking the piss out of our colleague (apparently we were a “tag team”). The most fun day was probably when a party at the restaurant the day before had left a number of helium balloons behind and the three of us in the office all attempted to gas ourselves up with view to having silly voices. Some of us were able to do this better than other.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
I think we were genuine friends until the end, I found Claire easy to get on with and knew when not to bug or push her. Also used to regularly tell/remind her how lucky she was to be sharing the same surname as the two Petes in The Adventures Of Pete And Pete.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
There is no real need for us to remain friend on Facebook. She is from Reading and I have no intention of heading back there again in this lifetime. Indeed the last time I was invited back to Reading was pretty much to be part of a grim four person mini orgy (not with Claire I would like to emphasise).

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
Towards the end working at my company seemed to cause Claire a lot of misery so for me to cull her and remove my being from her own friend list serves as one less reminder for her of an unhappy period on her CV.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
Lots of hesitation, even recently she commented on one of my status updates.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
If I see her again in this lifetime I will definitely reinstate her as a friend on both Facebook and the real world that is The Matrix.

FINAL WORDS:
We shared a love of David Cross, a love supreme.

DAY FORTY FOUR – JON CLARKE

2010-01-13T07:33:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Jon was somebody I worked at the studio with but sadly just a couple of years later now I cannot remember him. My bad. I think he was cool but looking at his profile I seem to think he was cool. Those guys are the studio worked ridiculous hours it is no wonder we were only passing acquaintances. Also he looks like a Quaker I know.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
As with these things we had a splurge of firing out Facebook friend requests when it suddenly became the website of choice at the studio.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
His name is too close to John Cooper Clarke. Additionally we were friendly but never really friends. There needs to be a social networking website or even a hierarchy level for acquaintances rather than friends (actually, isn’t that Linkedin?).

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
Jon never seemed to be the happiest of people and quite frankly I’m last person that ever be employed to talk a person down from a ledge. Not that I am insinuating Jon was like this.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
I don’t think I’ll get the opportunity to hang out with most of the studio guys again.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
If any old studio types are reading this blog I would be shocked and amused. Please say “hi” if you are.

FINAL WORDS:
At the end of the day having the same initials as Jesus Christ our saviour is so much cooler than being friends with me on Facebook.

DAY FORTY THREE – MARK DUNN

2010-01-12T02:54:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
I knew Mark from being in my registration group at school and subsequently in the early years of my secondary school experience we became good friends and part of the same social group. As a group he, I and a couple of other people would hang out in Clacton on the weekends either playing tennis or catching a movie after having a kebab with hot chilli sauce before hand. Clacton wasn’t all bad. Mark was that unfortunate of creatures: the teacher’s son. His dad was cooler than most though because he had links to Clacton Town Football Club which at that time felt like a much bigger deal than I later came around to realise.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
Generally he and I were on the same wavelength. Also being in the same registration class meant we were also on the eternally losing interform sports team that would regularly get thumped in every tournament despite our dogged team spirit and performances (we did win the volleyball though).

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
Losing him is as part of the school sub-cull. Also he looks scarily like his dad, a teacher!

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
Today I’m not actually sure that it does make me a good person.

STATUS AT DELETION:
“My fine is £640.40”

ANY HESITATION:
Yeah because if we crossed paths now I think we’d still get on.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
Other than the possibility that some mutual friends and/or acquaintances from school may be reading this I don’t think so.

FINAL WORDS:
It’s snowing.

DAY FORTY TWO – SAM JUPP

2010-01-11T01:59:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Sam lived just down the road from me on Holland Road in Little Clacton. He arrived long after local cliques were cemented but despite this he always fitted in very well, much better than I. Basically he was a cool guy as we used to get off the school bus at the same place and exchange pleasantries in the process while the remainder of the bus would scream out like gaggling idiots (such was the small town existence of the village I grew up in).

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
Memorable for his funny surname Sam arrived into my Facebook existence as part of the deluge of hometown types rediscovering one another on Facebook in the same manner in which old school types went into friend request frenzy. Sam sent a request to me and if I’m honest I wouldn’t have sent one to him.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
When Millwall played (and almost beat) West Ham in their Carling Cup encounter earlier this season as a few supporters began to bitch slap each other it suddenly became apparent that Sam was a West Ham supporter and briefly we got involved in a little bit of taunting one another over Facebook. I can’t have West Ham supporters on my Facebook friend list.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
Those are bleak times that memories conjure up so I am happy to let some of those go.

STATUS AT DELETION:
“just beat maria hands down at every singe dance on “Just Dance”. Used to be a dancer, my arse.”

ANY HESITATION:
It would appear that Sam and I do share a similar commuter route and his status updates have been useful in the past in both informative and venting capacities as our train provider continues to let us down.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
I’m not heading back to Little Clacton any time soon.

FINAL WORDS:
Lions beat Irons.

DAY FORTY ONE – JANA BENTLEY

2010-01-10T01:12:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Jana banana was the girlfriend of one of my best friends around the time of the Explosions In The Sky ATP in May 2008. This turned out to be the only time I ever met her and on this occasion within five minutes of meeting she had slapped me in the face after a sustained bout of talking bollocks. This was most definitely a group of people (kids) I did not fit in with and suddenly I felt like an old bastard in their company. I believe she does (or did) fencing, is she really Zorro?

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
I came across her on Facebook one day while she was still going out with my friend and figured I’d be inevitably crossing paths with her again eventually.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
That slap. That and she is no longer going out with my friend.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
Her and her friends at the festival just made me feel so fucking old and a genuine social leper as a result despite the fact that all they had behind them was youthful exuberance which was all that was making me feel irrelevant, it was just a damn popularity contest. I don’t need this in my life, I am better than that.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
No hesitation, she’s a foreigner to me.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
She was one of those Nottingham types; people whom I very rarely see and a city I am unlikely ever to visit again.

FINAL WORDS:
Sorry for telling your friend that I’d “slap her into next week” but she was a really annoying little girl.

DAY FORTY – ISABEL KUHL

2010-01-09T02:52:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Isabel is somebody I have known in a couple of capacities over the past few years. Initially she was part of the local scene in Colchester and she ended up being a housemate (in the “Dead Rat house”) of one of my closest friends who always insisted that she looked like Cameron Diaz; such sweet words from a charmer (I see it though). Later when I arrived at work at Baker Street by pure coincidence she was already working for the company, an early good omen that unfortunately soon turned sour. It was interesting to note that just before I left said company a couple of previously Stepford type employees chose to criticise her in private to me.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
We were friends back in the day in Colchester and then at Baker Street. I remember one particular Friday evening in Colchester when I was wrecked on Stella and she allowed me to hang off her while the world span around me. Also she was able to recall a particularly messy five plus year old 4 July nightclub experience in a manner that didn’t cause me grief or mental torment.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
Her profile picture is with Gary Barlow. That and she is an unfortunate piece of the Baker Street puzzle.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
Finally with one less reminder of Baker Street in my life I am one step closer to losing the hang-ups that fester around that brief period for me.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
Yes because she at times proved a really nice person.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
There is the possibility of crossing paths in Colchester but it’s a only a slight chance.

FINAL WORDS:
Those East Hill killer parties.

DAY THIRTY NINE – TRYSTANNOW DYNAS

2010-01-08T02:08:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Tristan was a friend of a friend that tagged along and accompanied the spare spot in our chalet at the 2004 All Tomorrows Parties festival. I can’t remember if he was from Nottingham and living in South London or from South London and living in Nottingham. To be honest with that strange Facebook moniker I had a little trouble recalling his actual name. Further recollections suggest that his sister was in some band or something in Nottingham. My best memory of Tristan was from that ATP weekend when we coerced John Cummings from Mogwai (the headlining band) back to our chalet (Tom basically kidnapped him) and Tristan asked him if he “was in a band.”

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
He’s my friend on Facebook because we got on (he appreciates Millwall) and he had pot.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
His Facebook name always fucks me up whenever I see it.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
It removes the distraction of mystery from my mind.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
A fair amount of hesitation today as Tristan is one of those people I just sadly don’t see anymore and would be happy to bump into tomorrow.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
It’s very possible some of my current friends transplanted to Nottingham may still be in touch with him.

FINAL WORDS:
Walk the dinosaur.

DAY THIRTY EIGHT – TONY WHITE

2010-01-07T13:17:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Tony was a friend at school towards the end of my tenure and sentence, which were not the best of times for me personally. We inhabited similar social groups (and dare I say status/standing) but he and I never really clicked. Perhaps it was his earring and ginger hair. We once had a conversation about not having anything to say to each other. It now feels like I have two or three lifetimes since I last saw Tony. The surprise is that it would turn out that Tony now works for the police, something that could not have been predicted back in the day.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
We are (or were) friends because we lived in adjoining villages and bonded over our distaste for the way the scumbag kids ruled our school and didn’t really consider our social circles as equals. Have I said before how a few years ago everyone at school found each other on Facebook? Only a dozen times I would guess. Anyway those people suddenly sending friend requests should also be acknowledged as the people that were too tight to pay Friends Reunited subscriptions which meant that they were ultimately responsible for the website dying. That Grosse Point Blanke moment is coming up.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
I haven’t seen this guy in years and I feel somewhat uncomfortable having a police on my friend list. Somebody should however point out to me that this isn’t The Wire. Also it should stop me confusing his name with Jimmy White.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
It makes me one less step closer to prosecution!

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
Not on this day.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
I don’t expect so although I do one day envisage crossing the paths with a number of people from the Thorpe/Weeley/Little Clacton are I used to go to school with.

FINAL WORDS:
It’s only a game.

DAY THIRTY SEVEN – CARL GLADING

2010-01-06T07:49:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Carl was a very good friend ranging from playschool right through to secondary school. For some reason we started out our school careers in the same year before I got bumped up a grade after a year or so. To this day I have no idea why this occurred other than the fact that somebody got the dates wrong and I started out in the wrong year. As a result it is quite possible that my education bump was too premature lending the other people in my class a year’s experience of school and education ahead of me and the reality that I was always seen to be flagging in my year in comparison was more to do with a paperwork accident/mistake than an actual deficient in intellect. Food for thought.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
We are friends because we were real buds at school growing up in the same village and being invited to each other’s birthdays etc. When we eventually wound up at secondary school together we would confuse people by referring to each other as “bruv.” We were also fans of Ipswich Town at the time (although I eventually saw the club for just what it was a few years later).

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
I am deleting him from my Facebook because he represents a shit period of my life. That and the stupid fucking “Sir Bobby” profile picture.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
Quite frankly I struggle to recognise him from his Facebook photos as he appears to have matured in a much different direction to myself, which for some reason makes me feel insecure and occasionally underdeveloped. Thus with this deletion out of sight out of mind I got back to being perfect again.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
A bit of hesitation because we were mates growing up and you never really repeat those friendships.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
I used to bump into him from time to time in Clacton but I steer clear of that place these days (being the seaside town equivalent of the plague).

FINAL WORDS:
I culled your ex.

DAY THIRTY SIX – ANNABEL PERKINS

2010-01-05T01:00:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Annabel is the sister of the wife of somebody I used to work with at the studio. On a couple of occasions she tagged along on studio socials. We bonded in a small over Colchester as she strangely proclaimed what a nice place it is, something the majority of people I know disagree with. She is a twin and I have already culled her sister. Can you guess which person it was? To this day I cannot decide as to which was the good twin and which was the evil twin.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
As I said we bonded over Colchester and that is a very strong bond. Also Annabel was super cool the few times I hung out with her in Notting Hill.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
It’s been over two years now since I left the studio and I doubt we’ll be bumping into each other again. Also her name is pretty close to Anthony Perkins and we all know what trouble that guy represents.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
With my irrational and stupid fear of twins, removing a couple of them that I never see from Facebook should help cease my stupidity (boy am I stretching today to become a better person).

STATUS AT DELETION:
“is feeling like a fatty boom boom after Mums amazing cooking! Just hope the New Years dress fits! Scotland here I come woo hoo!!!!”

ANY HESITATION:
Some hesitation but the truth is probably that we are from different planets.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
I can’t imagine that any studio types are reading this but it would be funny.

FINAL WORDS:
Only their moms can tell them apart.

DAY THIRTY FIVE – BEN CHAPLIN

2010-01-04T14:56:00.001-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Ben 10 was somebody I went to secondary school with. He was one of the smart kids and we got on quite well without ever really being tight. My overriding memory of him was when our English class had to do its annual presentation to the class called “Speak Out.” One year both Ben and I chose to cover the subject of newspapers. Ben’s report was a well researched, well written piece on the local newspaper I think his dad worked for. In comparison around the time of the Hillsborough Stadium disaster my presentation comprised of me reading highlights from the News Of The World and The Sun from that weekend, removing page 3 in order not to corrupt the kids of course. For some reason he got a better grade than me but I seem to remember I got more laughs.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
He was a cool guy at school and rediscovering him on Facebook amongst everyone else was a good thing. Having John Wark for a profile picture scored points too.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
Despite befriending on Facebook we haven’t communicated any further thus the necessity for a defriending. Also in his profile picture he appears to have stolen one of Wayne Coyne’s suit.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
It removes the urge from me to call him “Charlie” and suddenly begin dissing people from the Frinton and Walton area. As a result I sport a far more positive demeanour.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
He’s a Ben. I already have one Ben on Facebook I don’t need two.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
Some old school people may be reading this who are friends with Ben but I doubt I’ll be bumping into in the future.

FINAL WORDS:
If I did the “Speak Out” now I would read The Guardian and The Observer to the class and girls would want to have sex with me.

DAY THIRTY FOUR – LIBBY HAMBLIN

2010-01-03T14:55:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
I know Liz from back when she was bass player in a band called San Lorenzo who we put out on Gringo Records and experienced some success including a tour support slot with Idlewild. Those were some of the best times associated with the label. They were from Birmingham and all sported accents to match.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
As with all old Gringo bods it felt wrong not to add her as some gesture with view to keeping the record label flame alive. Unfortunately Panda Love Unit never quite reached the heights of San Lorenzo. Also being the only girl ever in a band on the label everyone fancied her.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
The last time I saw Liz was at the Slint ATP in 2005 when the snow came down on Camber Sands making things pretty but treacherous. A metaphor if ever there was one.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
These days my past with Gringo Records creates a sense of confliction, often disheartening and depressing me as I view the label with a similar kind of perspective a father would view their child with after it has been molested. As such one less reminder out of my life can only be a good thing going forward.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
Some but not enough.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
Quite possibly mutual acquaintances will see this but I doubt I’ll ever see any members of the band again unfortunately.

FINAL WORDS:
Y’am culled.

DAY THIRTY THREE – KATELYN FRYER

2010-01-02T11:34:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Katelyn was a lodger of a friend of mine from Cambridgeshire. She is perhaps the most Australian person I have ever met and with somewhat more upbeat than your average person in England. I seem to remember the first time I met her was at my friend’s birthday party where she had a beard drawn on her chin with biro. It was a look. The last time I saw her was at the Latitude festival in 2006.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
She was super friendly not possessing the sour demeanour that is the English way. Later when I needed visa advice for getting my friend (“My American Friend”) into England from America via Italy she had a lot of experience with which to dispense for me.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
I believe she is back in Australia now and as a result this means that we are unlikely to cross paths again.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
Once upon a time I played an embarrassing email trick on Katelyn which I can’t help but feel forever made things frosty between us so by getting rid of her on Facebook I am eliminating potential future blushes.

STATUS AT DELETION:
“Happy belated crimbo and new year to all. I hope you all had a lovely festive break. Ahhh boo, back to work in 2 days. XX”

ANY HESITATION:
Plenty because she was my best source of visa advice.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
Not likely as I said above she is now back in Australia and I have no intention of ever going over there.

FINAL WORDS:
G’bye mate!

DAY THIRTY TWO – GLEN RUSSELL

2010-01-01T02:47:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Glen was someone I used to hang out with at school. We were in the same form group and a couple of times we were part of the same timid gangs. I used to meanly suggest that he had a lisp and my most fun memory of him was how he would return to school from lunch at home with his school jumper being covered in dog hair.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
I added him as part of the big school deluge of friends a couple of years ago that I keep persisting in talking about.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
His Facebook profile has subsequently revealed him to be a much different person to the one I knew at school which to me completely sums up the reasoning behind having a Facebook cull that removes so many people from my past. In essence his profile more than ever makes me wonder and consider what is the point and reason behind Facebook. Is it to keep in communication with current friends? Is it to collect names like stamps? Personally I feel the former.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
He and I appear much cooler as adults, we don’t need reminders of our grotty school.

STATUS AT DELETION:
“Glen is having a lazy new year day in bed”

ANY HESITATION:
None.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
I have a feeling I’m not likely to bump into him in the near future.

FINAL WORDS:
Have a good one.

DAY THIRTY ONE – MARK LEWIS

2009-12-31T02:22:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Mark is another person I worked at the studio with but I can’t actually remember having a conversation with him. And looking at his photos on Facebook I barely recognise him. What happened?

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
We both worked at the studio and during on period we all added each other.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
Too many skiing photos. That and my irrational (well, rational) fear and distaste of people from Shropshire.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
It removes my confusion as to whether I actually knew people or if I imagined them.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
No hesitation.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
I doubt I’ll ever see him again.

FINAL WORDS:
If he was married to the actor Stephen Lewis (Blakey from On The Buses) that would have been cool.

DAY THIRTY – SUZIE SMITH

2009-12-30T02:13:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Suzie was the girlfriend then wife of somebody I used to work at the studio with. A few times when we had studio drinks she came along with her twin sisters. Twin sisters always freak me out, probably due to my having watched so many horror movies featuring them in the past. I swear they are connected telepathically and can read each other’s minds able to send out internal messages between one another while in a crowd of people.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
Suzie was cool. As a blitz spirit at the studio took hold we all bonded and befriended each other on Facebook.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
It has been over two years now since I worked at the studio and so over two years since I have seen most of those guys. Additionally I have my twin complex and finally she is falling foul of being one of those people that Facebook now regularly suggests I reconnect with on the right hand side of my news feed.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
I have too many Smiths in my friend list, its getting confusing.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
No, we probably shouldn’t have been friends on Facebook in the first place.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
Unlikely, I miss the studio and the people that worked there but I haven’t really stayed in touch with any of them either. My bad.

FINAL WORDS:
Sunny days.

DAY TWENTY NINE – CHRIS KAVANAGH

2009-12-29T13:51:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Chris was somebody I worked with during my career sidestep (mistake) at Baker Street. In a female dominated office it was always good to have another set of balls around. When we moved offices we wound up sitting back-to-back with each other and with it we almost became good friends. Indeed when I finally handed in my notice after seven months misery it was he who I discussed things with beforehand as slowly he commented on the office and its parts in a manner that I had been led to believe was not acceptable so with it he suddenly became real people in my eyes, a rarity in such an environment. Indeed a few months after I left the place I discovered that he had departed also.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
Pretty much everybody at Baker Street was on Facebook and, as with every office in the world, spent portions of their working day on Facebook. Slowly as familiarity with new work colleagues began to breed so the friend requests started flying. I didn’t really click with many people at the place and as such only a few requests were sent out.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
He didn’t reply to my last message to him and I really need as few reminders of Baker Street in my life as possible.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
Poor old Chris just represents part of an awful time of my life and cutting away any dank reminders of that experience feels like a step towards closure and a whitewash over what was/is in affect a real blip on my CV.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
Yes as Chris was/is a sound person even though he supports Tottenham Hotspur.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
I’d be surprised if we crossed paths again. Perhaps somebody from Baker Street (past or present) may be reading this but I doubt it, its not Stepford enough.

FINAL WORDS:
You the man.

DAY TWENTY EIGHT – TIM BROOM

2009-12-28T13:50:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Tim was somebody I used to knock around at school with. Despite being from Bromley he was smarter than the average bear (from Bromley). He was smart, good at football and short. One time I asked him what he was listening to on his Walkman and it turned out to be classical music. What was that about? Occasionally for fun he used to like to say the word “breasts.”

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
Again he is part of the whole Facebook friends reunited deluge and equally he has proved to be one of those people that have moved on with their lives and do not feel the necessity to acknowledge former school colleagues beyond the point of adding them on Facebook.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
There is this new function on the right of my Facebook news feed that keeps plucking out random people on my friend list and encouraging (bordering on persuading) me to get back in touch by writing something on their wall. For some reason Tim regularly appears in this section and it is just bugging the shit out of me to see his little adult face on a near daily basis now. Get off.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
One less reminder of school, one less sleepless night.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
Nope, we were never that tight at school.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
A mutual acquaintance or two may be reading this.

FINAL WORDS:
Broom broom.

DAY TWENTY SEVEN – RACHEL GOODWIN

2009-12-27T14:11:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Rachel is another person that I knew from school. We were in the same registration group throughout our tenure at our secondary school and thankfully she was one of the girls that gave me the time of day. I still remember one occasion during French class while we all stagnated and died of boredom we glanced at each other across the room and exchanged genuine smiles. Later she was part of the group that supported us in our inter class volleyball victory so generally all I tend to remember of her are good times. I am also led to believe that she spread a few stories about me that inadvertently enhanced my reputation rather than diminished it.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
With this in mind I was happy to become her friend on Facebook when the school floodgates opened a year or two ago.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
The Facebook friendship has just not transmitted itself into a real world friendship, as with the majority of the other people from school to have befriended me. I am sure I have said this before.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
The deletion serves to remind me that not all the people from school serve to conjure up bad memories for me.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
No hesitation, school was now over fifteen years ago.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
I would be very surprised if I ever crossed paths with her again.

FINAL WORDS:
You were cool.

DAY TWENTY SIX – LINDA GARNHAM

2009-12-26T14:08:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
This is my aunt. What a terrible thing to be doing at this time, culling my own aunt! With the best intentions I have chosen this day to do so as she used to host some great Boxing Day parties in the past always brimming with good times even if I was a rotten and terrible spoilt bastard of an only child during those years (issues). My aunt is truly lovely which I guess makes her a more interesting choice for the cull.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
She is my aunt and was one of the first few members of my extended family to appear on Facebook. Sadly over the past ten or so years the close knit sense attached to our family (mainly my mum’s side) has become fractured and seldom are there actually any family events any more.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
I was informed during the summer that she does not like some of my more colourful status updates (although I promise I have toned them down since a number of similar comments and indeed a few cullings of myself). With this in mind I really do not wish to offend my aunt or distort her vision of me even if more than anything it is down to a misunderstanding from the generation gap.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
The hope is that by removing my stupid comments from my aunt’s newsfeed I will cease diminishing her interpretation and opinion of me thus making me a better person in her eyes.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
Plenty because I feel I could really cop a lot of family shit for this one even though it is being performed with the best of intentions.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
It is inevitable that I will bump into my aunt at some point in the future and regularly I see her son on my train home so if he is reading this he could well lend me a slap.

FINAL WORDS:
Love you auntie.

DAY TWENTY FIVE – LORNA CHRISTMAS

2009-12-25T05:16:00.001-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Merry Christmas! In the spirit of the day I have chosen to cull my old school classmate Lorna Christmas. We were at the same primary and secondary school and as ever my recollections are limited although I do remember that we were both in the same history class where she sat with a girl called Christine (possibly Christine Langford from a week or so ago). The two things I recall mainly from Lorna were her amazing laugh (silly and infectious) and how in primary school she told us of how people would crank call her house asking “is Father Christmas there?” This incident is memorable for the manner in which she was able to conjure an entire class of eight year olds into civil disgust at the caller with an overriding reaction of “that’s terrible.” The things you can get a room of naïve kids to think.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
As ever she was another person that came out of the woodwork once a few former school people found each other on Facebook and the subsequent friend request frenzy occurred although my memories of Lorna were pretty much entirely fond and this was a friend request I was happy to pursue.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
Her surname fits in with the season! Merry Christmas!

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
I guess in a twisted manner this is my way of acknowledging and celebrating the season. Much more healthier than angrily culling those that decided against not invite me out on Christmas Eve festivities last night (those slimes know who they are).

STATUS AT DELETION:
“Has made a space on the drive for the ferrari I’ve asked santa for.”

ANY HESITATION:
Some, I really have no beef against Lorna we just are not acquainted in the real world. She even recently marked a LIKE on my status commenting on the amazing site of James May’s full size Scalextric track.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
Not likely.

FINAL WORDS:
Merry Christmas everyone!

DAY TWENTY FOUR – GRAINNE MAGUIRE

2009-12-24T05:12:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
I met Grainne at a fireworks night party a couple of years ago. She was striking and had a fantastic Irish accent. To top this it turned out she was also a stand-up comedian (who generally are some of my favourite people).

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
Being one of the most interesting and fun people I met at the party I promptly found her on Facebook a few days later and fired across a friend request.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
Beyond our meeting at the party and Facebook befriending we have never corresponded or communicated despite having a number of real-time shared friends. Also her name is only a few letters away from being Gavin Maguire, one of the most odious footballers ever to exist in the modern era (ask Danny Thomas).

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
I worry sometimes that my colourful status updates and minging tagged photos only serve to frighten off new potential new friends as often after having friend requests accepted they never get in touch. With this cull those thoughts get taken from my mind for this one example.

STATUS AT DELETION:
“is heading home- Merry Christmas everyone- what a year we’ve had? Full of laughter, tears, secrets and overcoming obstacles, it’s been all go- see you in 2010 losers! x”

ANY HESITATION:
Some as it is probably likely we have a few mutual acquaintances also involved in the Hundred Days project.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
As a result of the mutual acquaintances point above I fear she may be the first person to read her own Facebook obituary.

FINAL WORDS:
Laugh it up.

DAY TWENTY THREE – HAZEL TWINN

2009-12-23T00:47:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Hazel was somebody I went to school with (are you noticing something of a recurring theme here? Me too). I think she was another person I had science class with and she was friends with a girl I really fancied and also dated a real dick that Facebook repeatedly attempted to get me to befriend earlier this year in its blind suggestions column on the right. For this I hate Facebook sometimes. A couple of years later I ended up working with her brother at “The Abattoir” and later my mother used to get his girlfriend to cut her hair (and she almost cut mine too). Such is the incestuous little world we grew up in. Despite their surname they were not actual twins.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
She added me for some reason, in order to bump up our respective friend list numbers. We have 21 mutual friends.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
I don’t really want ex-school types from fifteen years ago lingering on my friend list. On the whole they’re dead to me.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
It gives me a petty little lift as I fail to get into the Christmas spirit.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
Not in my current mood there ain’t.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
She appears to work on aeroplanes and should I ever be caught in a hostage situation on a plane I fear Hazel might spot me and think “hey, that’s the guy that culled me on Facebook” and push me to the front of the hostage queue.

FINAL WORDS:
Wingwalker.

DAY TWENTY TWO – CHRISTINE HARRIS

2009-12-22T01:32:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Before you ask I did not add Christine thinking that she was a relative of Neil Harris. Instead I know (knew) Christine from a job where her boyfriend would drag her into work for a day or two to earn some extra cash (at a quite healthy rate considering). In her real career she is/was a nurse bringing about the question: what is it with me and nurses on Facebook? Regardless she was always really friendly to work with until eventually she broke up with her boyfriend (the guy that employed me) and obviously she no longer came in for some extra money. At one point even around the break up she started messaging me on Facebook one day and part of me has always thought it was the boyfriend pretending to be her perhaps trying to glean some information out of me. Or is that being too paranoid?

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
As soon as she discovered I was Facebook she added me as a friend.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
In funny moment one day after her boyfriend left the company he decided to delete all his now ex-work colleagues from Facebook. This was an act we all watched occur in real-time in what was something of a surreal Facebook moment.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
I think for Christine to have one less reminder in her life of what happened during the whole drama is a positive thing.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
No she is Facebook fodder.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
I don’t expect to be crossing paths with her again.

FINAL WORDS:
Merry Christmas.

DAY TWENTY ONE – PAUL UNSWORTH

2009-12-21T05:21:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Unsurprisingly here is another ex-school colleague facing the cull. I think we shared a few science classes at school and brushed up against a couple of social groups but we were never really “buddies” to any extent. I seem to remember him taking up acting towards the end of our tenure/sentence and one day during a different class a teacher turned on a blank video to the sight of Paul bellowing a line in a Brian Blessed fashion. In a way it felt intrusive in a manner such as discovering a VHS of your parents fucking.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
As ever he emerged as part of the school deluge performed by people to bump up their friend lists. Or as I like to call it: “the Facebook virus.”

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
Bored of using the school thing as an excuse I’ll say its because he lists the Lord Of The Rings trilogy as his favourite movies.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
Today I will concede that this deletion does not make me a better person in any way whatsoever.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
Nope, I’m in a very assertive mood today. I blame the snow for making me grouchy.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
Probably not, I may bump into him in or around our hometown but I doubt it.

FINAL WORDS:
You bless it, I’ll eat it.

DAY TWENTY – JUSTIN HOOPER

2009-12-20T02:13:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Justin is the brother of my friend Ross’s ex-girlfriends. He does a killer impression of Al Pacino in Scarface and was one half of The Two Donnies. The last time we corresponded he was asking me how come I was one of the Ultimate Warrior’s top friends on Myspace. I hadn’t even realised. Why on earth did the Ultimate Warrior put me in his top friends? When the Ultimate Warrior made a comeback in Barcelona a year or so ago Justin even suggested we go see it.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
It’s the Pacino impression; the act is a gateway to a magnificent universe of impressions.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
It’s now been a couple of years now since I last experienced the Pacino impression.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
I always sensed that when he quizzed me about my apparent standing in the Ultimate Warrior’s affections Justin was somewhat jealous. Removing myself from his friend list removes his chances from relapsing this envy.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
Yeah some especially that I try to see Ross as much as possible and invariably Justin regularly comes up in conversation. Quite frankly I know no other person as big a fan of the Ultimate Warrior than he.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
Less than there should be. I visited his hometown in the summer and I believe he was invited out on our evening down the pub but was a no-show.

FINAL WORDS:
"Normal people, the people that walk the streets every day, we cannot understand!"

DAY NINETEEN – GREG NELSON

2009-12-19T14:31:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Here is another person I went to school with, both primary and secondary. In other words we both grew up in the same village. For the most part we were buddies but never overly tight and subsequently we didn’t bother to stay in touch after school. That said I did briefly wind up working for the same country as him, some grotty cooked meats place in Kirby I liked to refer to as “The Abattoir.” I didn’t last long at that place, eventually getting the sack from an YTS role for slamming the door in the face of my boss. He was a cunt though. Additionally I also spent a brief spell working at a community centre on sick cover and I wound up working with Greg’s dad, who I ironically got on better with.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
At the risk of repeating myself for the Nth time Greg and I befriended when everyone at our school appeared to discover Facebook and decided to send friend requests like a virus.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
There is the usual reasoning that despite reacquainting via Facebook we just are not friends in the real world but also a major reason for the culling is that his profile photo is of a tattoo!

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
It’s one less tattoo profile photo on my friend list which makes my profile (me) more pleasing to the eye of anyone browsing.

STATUS AT DELETION:
“off to the slopes for christmas, ha love it.”

ANY HESITATION:
No, it’s the tattoo it reminds me of that TV show Wild Palms (except for the word “mum”)

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
I might bump into him if by some misfortune I wind up back in the old haunts where I grew up.

FINAL WORDS:
Less ink.

DAY EIGHTEEN – ADAM MCPHERSON

2009-12-18T14:22:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
He was (maybe still is) the boyfriend of somebody I used to know before she moved to Japan to teach English. Briefly we have hung out a couple of times at parties but the second time they guy truly sweet talked me by asking me about my book (I’m a sucker). And I didn’t even take him to task over the fact that despite the surname he does not appear to be Scottish.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
After hanging out at a friend’s birthday drinks (June 2008) he unexpectedly sent me a friend request. At first I didn’t recognise the name or the dude but a quick flick through the annals of Facebook satisfied my curiosity.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
Despite the friend request we have never met or corresponded since. Thus to be friends on Facebook just does not make sense.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
I already have a friend called “Adam” and I don’t want to make him feel jealous (can my reasoning possibly get any pointless before it starts to become petty?)

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
Not really, like too many Facebook friendships it was a false dawn.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
It is possible I may bump into him (with her) and equally it is possible a mutual acquaintance may be reading this blog (as my culling begins to get closer to home).

FINAL WORDS:
His name sounds like a player for Glasgow Rangers.

DAY SEVENTEEN – LEONA LETTS

2009-12-17T06:57:00.001-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
She was somebody from school. I think she went out with one of my friends but that was perhaps after my time. It is noticeable how her name is two letters away from being Leona Lewis. And that weird guy that dated Kylie briefly thought he was the most famous person ever to go to our school (although the guy’s lack of a Wikipedia entry does bring into question his actual level/degree of fame, him and his fucking Coldplay photos). We have 24 mutual friends apparently.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
As ever she is my friend on Facebook as a result of the great deluge of school type additions a year or so ago and as ever I do not remember saying a word to her during my tenure. Ironically her profile asks “Why do random people i dont know keep requesting to be my friend!!!” Looking at her photos though I think we both know the answer to that question.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
I don’t remember her and I don’t want to remember her.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
Strangely (and hopefully) it should stop reminding me of Leona Lewis and that crappy afternoon I worked on her accounts because I had nothing else to do thus in a way endorsing her scary career and further pushing me towards my ultimate sell out.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
Yes, looking through her photos she appears to be a nurse. That or it is one of the most convincing Halloween costumes ever.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
Potentially if she is a nurse what if I suddenly fall ill and have an accident and I end up on her ward, in her care? Quite possibly if she recognises me but I don’t recognise her she could easily go “hey, its that guy from school that culled me from Facebook.”

FINAL WORDS:
If only she had added my profile to her friends list with the words “Letts be friends.” If only.

DAY SIXTEEN – PATROULA KAFOUSIA

2009-12-16T01:55:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Last week I deleted Shuk Mei Chan and unfortunately today it is the turn of her friend Patty to suffer the cull. As I explained with Mei, I met Patty at the Explosions In The Sky All Tomorrows Parties festival last year when we shared a chalet.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
Patty was super friendly; she even said she liked my book when I gave her a copy of it. I do sense this was more Greek politeness than actual impression.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
I’m too old and cranky to be cyber friends with such a nice person. That said the current cartoon she has as her profile photo of two cartoon characters going “Brr! It’s freezing, let’s raise the temperature!” and then snogging is pretty sickening.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
I don’t want to be a corrupting influence on anybody.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
Plenty but realistically I’m not going to be seeing Patty again so it is pointless clinging onto her profile.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
I didn’t bump into her at ATP this year and we don’t intend to go next year so its not likely I’ll bump into her next year either.

FINAL WORDS:
Merry Christmas, are you going back to Greece for it? What is Christmas like in Greece?

DAY FIFTEEN – CHRISTINE LANGFORD

2009-12-15T07:42:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
I believe she went to my secondary school but I’ll be fucked if I can remember her. One problem is that there were numerous girls called Christine at our school; it was slightly akin to that movie Heathers (as opposed to that movie Christine, although in some ways our school resembled that school too). The name does seem to ring a few bells with me but whenever I attempt to put a face to the name it is always someone else’s.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
Christine is my friend on Facebook because she sent me a friend request and being female I accepted first and asked questions later. I then noticed that we had a number of friends in common (currently 19) and suddenly it became clear she was an old school type.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
I just don’t know or remember who she is?

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
Today’s spurious (and slightly tenuous) justification comes in the form of removing the confusion from my mind of just who this person is.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
She does look pretty.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
Unlikely unless there is another school reunion coming our way and she attends.

FINAL WORDS:
Keep smiling.

DAY FOURTEEN – STEPHEN CHANDLER

2009-12-14T00:56:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
The Stevenator was my best buddy when I worked at Butt Road before they eventually sacked me for blogging. He is known by the name “Titters” to many but I always thought that nickname sucked.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
He tells me that one night he got drunk on the internet and created a Facebook profile by accident. This would explain to some extent why he was emailing photos from my profile to me with French captions beneath. Unfortunately I do not speak French.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
Dude just doesn’t put any effort into his Facebook. He doesn’t even have a profile picture! That said we are still in communication so no real need for the Facebook conduit.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
Despite his not bothering with Facebook we remain friends in the real world (yes, a novelty I know) and deleting him from social networking but still maintaining friendship serves as a timely reminder of the fickle, fake and false tendencies of Facebook and how genuine tangible friendship is infinitely more important. Hey, we hung out at the Kunt And The Gang gig last week. That is more solid than Facebook any day of the week.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
Much hesitation. What if he suddenly resumes using his profile? Those are the perils of culling right there.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
Probably not, I doubt he will even realise he has been culled the next time we get drunk. That said pissed up I’ll probably be pointing it out a number of times.

FINAL WORDS:
Fucksticks.

DAY THIRTEEN – LUCY BAREHAM

2009-12-13T00:18:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Lucy was in my form group CS at school so as a result for the first three years at school we were in practically every class together. She was part of some kind of female Frinton friendly mafia. She was also very nervous in a very comedic fashion/manner.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
She was yet another person in the great Facebook rediscovery of old school friends as they all came out of the woodwork at the same time a couple of years ago.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
There is no point to us being friends on Facebook, I get the impression she looks at her profile once every six months (as suggested by the profile picture still being one from school).

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
I think I will only be happy once I have deleted anyone and everyone on Facebook vaguely related to school or as I called it: “hell camp for divs.” (I never actually called it that at any time before now).

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
No hesitation, the impression I get is that she is now all married up and still in her hometown.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
Maybe someone from school is following this blog and may report it back. Maybe though they are not.

FINAL WORDS:
Thanks for all the support when we won the inter form volleyball tournament. That was one of my few highlights from school.

DAY TWELVE – PHILIP STEPHENS

2009-12-12T00:17:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
He was part of the Colchester “scene” back in the day. He played in a local I really liked called Whose Mistress, who I even mentioned on Radio One once when Steve Lamacq interviewed us about Gringo Records back in the day. He was also the first Tom Waits fan I ever knew.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
He was a good guy.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
He no longer lives in Colchester (instead in Albuquerque in America I believe) and his Pertwee profile photo of Dr Who is just frightening and distracting.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
The reality I fear is that Phil doesn’t even remember who I am and if that be the actual case then how healthy is it for me to continue such unbalanced friendships.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
All hesitation disappears every time I look at the the Dr Who picture.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
Various friends and acquaintances from Colchester and back in the day may cast their eye across this blog from time to time.

FINAL WORDS:
It was a slice.

DAY ELEVEN – RACHEL ROWSELL

2009-12-11T00:17:00.001-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Rachel is another person I went to school with in Thorpe then Frinton even though she had a different surname back in the day. We were really friendly in the first few years but in later years she blanked me. Rumours that we were the same size when sitting our GCSEs are unconfirmed but believable (if you know what I mean).

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
As part of the mass school friend deluge on Facebook a few years ago we added each other when caught up in the frenzy.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
As ever with old school types I really can not see the point of their inclusion in/on some cyber friend list. Also she appears to be associating with someone who I had always considered to be a dickhead at school.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
Less reminders of school, less mental turmoil.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
Not really I have a long list of old school chums to delete/remove from Facebook, may as well clip her sooner rather than later.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
I suspect she is still knocking about in Frinton and from rare time to time I do pop down their to look over old locations in search of good memories so possibly I might bump into her but I doubt either of us would acknowledge the other.

FINAL WORDS:
Thanks for being nice to me in the second and third years. I was always asked what I had done in order for you to be so nice to me.

DAY TEN – KATHRYN DYER

2009-12-10T02:37:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Kathryn was someone I worked with in Wivenhoe for a while and when I left I believe she took over my role, she definitely took my desk as she once told me how I had left my Toy Story window sucker toys behind. Rather than returning and storming back into my old office I let her keep them.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
Again there was a sustained period of reconnecting with old work colleagues a few years ago and that was the extent of refamiliarising with the past.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
We don’t talk, we don’t send messages, we don’t comment on each other’s status updates. Also she uses that annoying fucking “Status Shuffle” application – come up with your own statuses, are you not in touch with your feelings?

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
I still have cold sweats thinking of the post 2001 Christmas works meal saunter into town, I have to admit she frightened me. Also my Facebook will gain one less Farmville farmer clogging up newsfeed.

STATUS AT DELETION:
“is asking Santa “please define naughty??””

ANY HESITATION:
Some hesitation as the Wivenhoe job is probably the only accountancy job I have had where I didn’t leave under a bad cloud and as such I generally view my colleagues from that period in a very positive light.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
Occasionally I bump into people I worked with at the firm and its quite possible I might even bump into Kathryn at some point.

FINAL WORDS:
Return my Toy Story window sucker toys and I will reinstate you.

DAY NINE – RUSSELL GILBERT

2009-12-09T07:52:00.001-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Some people are just fucking trouble and should not be associated with. Yes, you guessed it here is another person from schooldays and youth. Our acquaintance became a miserable experience as he became one of the toadies of the guy that liked to bully me (also on Facebook).

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
We grew up on the same road in Little Clacton, I guess some kind of Stockholm Syndrome deemed we be friends both then and now.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
I think I finally lost faith in the guy as an adult when he kept posting Youtube clips of Snatch vs Star Wars (“Snatch Wars”), Football Factory and Lock Stock Meets George And Zippy onto my Facebook feed. Also the Button Moon fetish? WTF?

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
I don’t need anymore reminders of the “bad old days”

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
No hesitation whatsoever.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
I did actually bump into him earlier this year in April but on the occasion we both chose not to acknowledge each other, so he is still about. I find it strange how Facebook does this allowing people to be friends online but should paths cross in the real world old attitudes resume and maintain.

FINAL WORDS:
I feel like doing heroin.

DAY EIGHT – SHUK MEI CHAN

2009-12-08T14:34:00.001-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
When Chris and I got last minute tickets to the Explosions In The Sky ATP last year it involved sharing our chalet with Mei and her friend Patty. To say sharing a chalet with two complete strangers was a bit awkward would be something of an understatement. Quite frankly Robin Askwith type cappers should have ensued but ultimately they just did not. Worst ATP ever.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
So yeah Mei made a good impression over the course of the weekend and I thought she would be cool to have on my friend list.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
It didn’t work out (platonically), beyond exchanging pleasantries we didn’t exactly strike up a lifelong friendship as a result of ATP.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
I will stop misreading her first name as “Suck” and referring to her as “Suck My Chan” in an incredibly immature male way. Basically I am not deserving of such a person on my friend list so as a result in a gesture of self improvement I will think about what I have done there with her name with view to one day actually growing up.

STATUS AT DELETION:
“will arrive in HK 9dec! let’s go out friends”

ANY HESITATION:
A little, she seemed a really nice person.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
I might bump into her at an ATP, despite my hating the Explosions In The Sky festival she and Patty loved it.

FINAL WORDS:
Sorry about the name thing and I’ll be deleting your friend too pretty soon.

DAY SEVEN – CHERYL ANDREWS

2009-12-07T00:54:00.001-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Here is another person I went to school with. We started out in the small year but when I got bumped I ended up in the year above her. I have never been able to work out whether this was due to my superior intellect or an error on the part of the local education services and a mix up with my dates. At first I did not recognise her, her yet again was another person married since school and now with a fresh new surname. That said more than the ever ex-school colleague she looks almost the same as she did at school.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
As the old school acquaintances suddenly started coming out of the woodwork I went through a period where I accepted anyone I vaguely recalled from school.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
I didn’t actually like her when we were at school and she sure as fuck acted as if she didn’t like me either. Also her maiden name is/was Vass and we all know that people with that name tend to be shady and hypocritical.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
This will stop me taking the piss out of her profile and occasional status.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
It just wasn’t meant to be.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
Again if any old school chums happen to be reading this blog there is a miniscule chance they might report it back to her. Likewise if she is one of those egotists that regularly Googles there own name (I know I am) she might discover this entry.

FINAL WORDS:
It is right that this curious addition be put to bed, I still have nightmares of the time she played mother in some kind of Christmas play at primary school. Bossy as.

DAY SIX – NICOLE SCANTLEBURY

2009-12-06T01:25:00.001-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
When I started work at my current job briefly Nicole worked in my office for a couple of weeks before packing up and shipping off to Australia. Before that she was working in a pub in Crouch End that Simon Pegg frequented and she had plenty of great stories about him (nothing salacious just ones thankfully displaying him as a really friendly and funny guy).

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
On her last day she added me as a friend and new to the company I promptly accepted her requested. Earlier in the day she had given me her Cadburys Mini Eggs mug so we were ending our brief friendship on good terms.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
Beyond our brief working relationship we never stayed in touch even though I fancied her a little bit.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
I have to admit I am not really sure here. Perhaps best to just remove the Facebook temptation of perving over her beach pictures.

STATUS AT DELETION:
“Has just been for her first fitting in her wedding dress!!! I can’t stop grinning!”

ANY HESITATION:
To delete her at this stage seems a bit premature as my friend list still contains many more odious individuals more worthy of the cull.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
I don’t expect to ever see her again but having worked for the same company there is always the chance she might return for a job.

FINAL WORDS:
Thanks for the mug.

DAY FIVE – SARA REDFERN

2009-12-05T04:56:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
She is the sister of one of my best friends growing up in our village Little Clacton although admittedly over the years our friendship dwindled as we differed as people.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
Sara sent me a friend request at the beginning of February. Using a different name to when I knew her (she now being married) I had no idea who she actually was because her profile photo was of an animal.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
Neither her or her brother are people I really want to reintroduce to my life as the period within I knew them was a very low quality era of my existence.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
Still somewhat in a state of denial regarding my childhood years I still feel it necessary to block out that period and avoid nasty flashbacks from those times.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
I don’t really know why she added me in the first place the last time we saw each other was at a party held at their family home while the parents were away. It was a miserable experience as I acted like a total social leper.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
It is possible that I may bump into her but not likely. A few years ago I did she her brother at the Tesco Hythe in Colchester but we both chose to blank each other. Likewise I also saw him shopping on a Sunday earlier this year but his wearing of a Gap hoodie as a grown adult somewhat put me off approaching the guy. There is a vague possibility that an old school or hometown Facebook friend may be reading this and it might get back to her but meh.

FINAL WORDS:
Some things and indeed people are sometimes best left in the past.

DAY FOUR – TERESA ANGELL

2009-12-04T14:14:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
Teresa was one of these ladies that sent me a friend request when actually looking for a different person that happens to share my name. Basically we are friends via a case of mistaken identity. Invariably she eventually found the other guy with my name who also apparently looks like me. I have never braved looking at this guy, my doppelganger in both name and appearance, for fear of a nasty experience looking into the eye of the beholder.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
For a split second I thought she was attractive.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
She’s just more Facebook ballast.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
My selfless act of deleting Teresa will help her by no longer having two people of the same name in her friend list and thus ending her probable occasional confusion.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
Her profile is quite vanilla with little to look at, so no hesitation.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
There are none. She lives in London, I work in London. The chances of us bumping into each other are minimal and even then she would probably think it is the other guy with my name and face.

FINAL WORDS:
Maybe we should have met in the real world.

DAY THREE – DANIEL BUCKMAST’ER

2009-12-03T02:56:00.001-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
When Millwall reached the Division One play offs final earlier this year this guy discovered me via the Manzes Millwall (a famous South London pie shop) Facebook profile. Briefly we exchanged joy at reaching Wembley and managing to get a ticket for the match against Scunthorpe. Days later we were just names and faces on one another’s friend lists.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
We both support Millwall.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
I have a very bad history with people named Daniel, I just find it to be a name that cannot be trusted (the exception being Daniel from Karate Kid). Likewise with a surname seemingly the combination of Buckfast and master I find myself recalling that old saying “once a master, always a master.” And quite frankly his shirtless profile picture terrifies me.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
As the pair of us plainly have nothing in common other than Millwall Football Club I would imagine my frequent (and annoying) status updates can only be bugging the shit out him. Therefore it can only be a good thing if there is one less person in the world I get on the tits of.

STATUS AT DELETION:
“tattoo shop”

ANY HESITATION:
No hesitation, losing this guy is a no-brainer.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
I might bump into him at the New Den but probably won’t recognise him wearing clothes.

FINAL WORDS:
Up the Lions! Never lose faith mate.

DAY TWO – CHRIS DAY

2009-12-02T00:44:00.001-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
He was the reserve goalkeeper at Millwall a couple of years ago and while most normal Facebook people search and stalk musicians, comedians and actors I was tipped off by the Millwall message board that some of the players had profiles. The sad reality is that the majority of information I know about him come from his Wikipedia page.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
He was a Millwall player.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
He no longer plays for Millwall, instead he is now at Stevenage Borough. At the same time the closest I came to ever meeting him would have been while I was sat in block 17 of the Upper East stand at the New Den he would have been sat on the substitutes’ bench waiting for a game. Also he shares the same surname as a mad Maths teacher at my secondary school and with each mention of his name I veer close to experiencing Nam-esqe flashbacks of school.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
I really need to exist in the real world with real people as my friends and none of these cyber social networking substitutes.

STATUS AT DELETION:
No status.

ANY HESITATION:
No, we shouldn’t really have been friends on Facebook in the first place.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
None unless Millwall get Stevenage Borough in the FA Cup.

FINAL WORDS:
From one goalkeeper to another, all the best.

DAY ONE – ELLEN SIMONETTI

2009-12-01T01:06:00.000-08:00

HOW DO I KNOW THEM:
When I was sacked for my blog JGRAM WORLD back in 2004 I looked into and researched other people who had been dismissed for the same thing. It would appear that I was first person in the UK to be fired for such a reason but I did come across a couple of people in the US including the infamous “Queen Of The Sky” Ellen Simonetti, an air stewardess that has lost her own job in such a manner. Briefly I communicated with her to exchange experiences but as our circumstances and stories turned out to be very different our chat soon fizzled out.

WHY ARE THEY MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK:
When I published my own book a few years ago I sought her out on Facebook with view to telling her about my own altercation.

WHY AM I DELETING THEM:
Again our exchange hasn’t gone further than “hi/bye” as she now pursues pushing her blog story in a much more aggressive fashion that I would ever dare consider. I would say good luck to her but I can’t but help resent the fact that I am a much better writer than her.

HOW DOES THIS DELETION MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON:
As the fifth anniversary of my blogging dismissal recently occurred I think it really is time now to put that event behind me.

STATUS AT DELETION:
“Do any of my blog/Myspace/Facebook-fired friends want to go on a comedy show and spoof what happened to them? Let me know…”

ANY HESITATION:
No hesitation, she no longer appears on my newsfeed and as such is just ballast being on my friend list.

REAL WORLD ISSUES/AFFECT:
I have never met or even spoken to her so we are unlikely to cross paths.

FINAL WORDS:
We could have been good friends, we could have exchanged great ideas about blogging and where to take it.

2009-11-30T06:00:00.001-08:00

As part of the London Word Festival for a project called ONE HUNDRED DAYS TO MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON I have chosen to delete a person from my Facebook account.

On the face of it this may appear to be something of a negative gesture for the project but in the long run if the mutual ramblings of two virtual strangers can help streamline of existences surely this has to be a good thing.

I will not be making my decision flippantly and everyday I will be justifying my decision (and myself) and trying to make a detailed apology by way of explanation in the process.

By the end of the 100 days as my decision becomes more intricate it will serve as a time to reflect on how I operate/work my friendships and relationships. Perhaps as things potentially begin to turn into a Big Brother eviction scenario people may even begin to garner favour in exchange to avoid deletion. I hope I will not be reduced to removing family Soprano style. Likewise hopefully I won’t become a Hitler-esqe tyrant. Ultimately though I hope it to be the most productive and entertaining manner with which to analyse what friends really are to me.

I currently sit with 232 friends on my account. Before beginning the process I will perform a brief cull of Fakesters.